So this is life now
by avevale
Summary: Look into the future, 8 and a half months after prom. Meredith is pregnant, with many social complications.. MerFinn, later on more MerDer..Review please! CHAPTER 36 UP!
1. So this is life now

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Of course I wish I did, but I don't. **

A/N: Read, enjoy, review.

Look into the future, 8½ months after prom. Although I loved Denny, in my story, he doesn't exist ;-)

Chapter 1: So this is life now.

'So this is life now,' I thought when I was lying in Finns arms, on the couch.

I'm pregnant now, and I'm a resident. At least, I was a resident, until yesterday. Now, I'm on maternity leave. I hate not to be at the hospital. What would my interns do without me? Are there people dying? Because I'm not there, to look after them?

"Stop worrying," Finn said al off a sudden.

"I'm not. Worrying, I mean. I'm not worrying.." I replied.

"Yes, you are. I know you. When you worry, you fiddle.."

Damn. He's right, you know..

"Hmmm.. Maybe you're right. You know me to well, it's freakin' annoying!" I said laughing.

Finn smiled at me. "Just tell me what's going on.."

"I hate being at home, doing nothing, knowing my interns are in the hospital. Alone. Without me. I cannot relax and justlie here, doingabsolutely nothing,on maternity leave.." I confessed.

Finn nodded. "You know, the chief wouldn't send you away when he knew there would be taken care of your interns.."

Why does he have to be so right and understanding?

"You're probably right. I just cannot stand the fact I'm lying here, doing nothing.. Could we do something?" I ask and I looked up to him.

Finn. McVet, who had planns.He was being a great friend. Even when I told him that I was pregnant.Especially when I added a tiny little fact, beingthe baby wasn't his, but Derek's. Derek still doesn't know. He never left Addison after Prom, so why would I tell him? It would only make things harder. But I did tell Finn, it was the least he deserved. After all, I was scary and damaged..

"Of course we can. What do you want to do? Watch a movie? Play chess? Eat something?" Finn replied while stroking my hair. He would do anything for me.

"I'm kinda hungry yeah. Let's eat something," I replied while I'm trying hard to get up. It was hard, with such a belly. Many things were hard with a swollen belly.

Finn gave me a hand and walked with me to the kitchen. I sat down, and he began to cook lunch, while I annoyingly stared at him.

_'I would do anything to know what's on that girls mind,' Finn thought when he grabbed some eggs out of the fridge. She smiled at him, but her thoughts were far away, he knew._

'He is so sweet,' I thought when Finn smiled back at me. He was a real angel, especially when I told him I was pregnant and all. It was a good decision, to trust him and be honest. For once, at least.Because I had to lie to everyone else. It was extra hard to lie to Derek. And Addison. I obviously had problems to face Addison over and over again the few months.

Luckily for me, was Finn there, at home. He sort of lived there now, for more company that Izzie and George could offer me, they actually had shifts.

Deep inside, in a dark, not welcome place, I do miss Derek. I know it's not fair to Finn, and I can't make things more complicated then they are. The past few months, Derek looked at me with pain in his eyes. The first weeks after prom were the most painful looks, at least, I thought. But then, I didn't had my monthly periods anymore, and I was pregnant. After the news was out, it was almost unbearable to see him pass by. The look in his eyes, full of pain, desire, fear, regret, full of question marks..

And then there was Addison. Addison, who looked happy because she thought I was pregnant from Finn, and happy with Finn. Now she could move on with Derek. I couldn't tell her the baby was Derek's, because of you-know-what-that-would-bring, but I couldn't face her without guilt feelings either. I avoided her badly, just like I avoided Derek.

"Here you are," Finn said and placed a plate in front of me with delicious scrambled eggs. I used to hate scrambled eggs, but now I was pregnant, I loved them. I thankfully smiled at him. "Thank you Finn," I said. So this is life now..

**Please, please review. I really want to know what you guys think..**


	2. A familiar voice

**Disclaimer: Again, I do not own Grey's Anatomy! **

A/N: Something about chapter 2 wasn't right for me, so I re-wrote it. Read, enjoy, review!

Chapter 2: A familiar voice

Ouch! A strange, long, painful stab inside my swollen pregnant belly woke me up.

"Finn," I yelled, getting myself all back together, trying hard to sit straight up. "Finn!" I yelled again, now a little in panic.

The door of my bedroom opened, and Finn came in, wearing a towel, his hair full of shampoo. "What is it?" he said a little jumpy.

Despite the situation, I laughed. "I'm sorry," I said, "It's just.."

I interrupted myself, or actually, my baby interrupted me, because that awkward pain was there again.

"You look like you're in pain!" Finn said staring to my face. "It's happening, isn't it?" He started to freak out a little.

"I'm fine," I said, when the contraction was over. "Go finish your shower, I'll dress up.."

"You sure?" he asked, a little concerned.

"Well, we can't go to the hospital like this!" I said with a smile.

_gogogogogogogogogogogogogo_

An hour and a half later, at 7:15 AM, I'm lying in one of those familiar hospital beds.

When I put my head down on the soft, white hospital pillow, I look at Finn. He has been really supportive the past two hours.

I close my eyes, waiting, fearing the next contraction. They're getting more painful every single time.

"Okay.. I'm trying to relax.. Help me, Finn.." I whisper.

I know Finn smiles supportive, and he strikes my hand. "You can do this Meredith, I know you can.."

He's so adorable, I think, en just when I'm convinced by him, another contraction came.

"Awww!" I moan, and just when I think things couldn't get worse, I hear a familiar voice.

"Yeah, go check on that labs, and give them to me as soon as possible. Then check on Ms Raven. And when you see Dr. Stevens, tell her I need one of her interns on a consult. I'm going to check on a patient now."

I cannot handle this right now! Not her, not now, not with this baby!

"You look worried, honey. Is there something I can do for you?" Finn says, the sweetheart.

"No, it's nothing. Thank you.." I reply quietly.

I'm almost praying that the patient she needs to check on is not me, when I'm surprised by another contraction.

"Awwww!" I moan again, when I grab Finns hand, and with my other hand the iron bar of the bed.

"It's okay, sweetie, don't forget to breathe," Finn whispers supportive from my side.

Yeah, breathe, not even a bad idea, I think, and breathe all of my air out. When I breathe in again, my contraction is over.

"Meredith, are you okay in there?" the voice says en I hear her heels clicking towards me.

I open my eyes, and realize there's nothing wrong with my hearing. There she stands, the woman I feared my whole pregnancy.

"Addison," I say, in my way of hello.

"So, it's finally time!" she says annoyingly kind, although it sounds to me like she's ready to kill me.

"Yeah," Finn says, and gives her a polite smile.

"All right, then," Addison says and starts to examine my huge belly.

Just when she touches me, another contraction comes. "Ouch!" I say, a little bit harder then expected, and Addison jumps.

I feel a laugh inside of me, but I clenched my teeth, and breathe out, and the contraction went away.

"They're heading fast now," I say, and Addison nods. "Let's have this baby, then.." she replies, and deep inside I'm terrified to the bone.

_gogogogogogogogogogogogo_

"It's finally over," I say, exhausted.

"Yeah, it is.. I knew you could do it.." Finn says and strikes my hand again. Then he wipes with a nice cold cloth over my forehead.

I smile at him, and I kiss him. Then the door opens and Addison walks in.

I change my position and smile a little embarrassed.

"You have a healthy, beautiful baby-girl," she says with a smile, and guilt hits on me again.

Then she comes forward to me, and gives me the most beautiful baby in the whole freakin' world.

**Thanks for reviewing, Merder comes much later in the story. Enjoy!**


	3. Checking the door

**Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did; this is how the story would go.. ;-) **

A/N: Hope to see more reviews! )

Chapter 3: Checking the door

"Welcome to the world, little one," I whispered to my sweet en tiny little girl.

Finn smiled, and touched with his finger the tiny hand of the baby, who had an tight grip. "She is strong," he said to me, "Just like you."

"Is that her! She is so cute!" I heared Izzies voice scream excited.

I looked up to the door, where Izzie, George, and Cristina stood. I smiled, and nodded.

"Come in!" I said, and looked down to my kiddo again.

"She's adorable! What's her name?" George asked.

"Her name is Sarah," I replied.

Cristina sat down on my bed. "How do you feel?" she asked.

"Tired.. but happy. I really could use a coffee right know," I grinned.

Sara yawned, and closed her eyes. "I will get you some, after I dropped Sarah off at the nursery," Finn said and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"Bye baby!" Izzie said a little sad and Finn and Sarah left the room.

"Uhm.. Guys.. There's something I have to tell you.." I said, and became a little nervous.

"What is it?" Cristina replied, in her very nonchalant I-am-a-good-friend tone.

"Finn and I.. uhm.. and Sarah of course.. uhm.. are moving to Detroit.." I said, quickly. A/N: Didn't see that coming, huh?

It surprised me it wasn't that hard to tell.. The reactions however, were harder..

"What!" George mentioned first.

"Michigan, you're moving to Michigan!" Izzie said, in some kind of shock.

Cristina said nothing, I'll probably have to deal with her later.

"Yeah.. I got an offer in Detroit Hope Hospital, and Finns family lives there.." I replied, hoping to calm these guys down.

"And, you must, I mean can, keep the house.." I said, nodding, to Izzie and George.

Then Finn came in, with a nice warm coffee cup. "You told them, I see.." he said to me and he gave me a kiss and the coffee. He couldn't be more adorable.

Then Izzie spoke. "If that's what you want, Mer.. Good luck, I'll hope you'll be happy there." She gave Finn and me a weak, but sincere smile.

_gogogogogogogogogogo_

At the moment I'm packing my bags, I'm discharged. Finn and Sarah wandering down the halls, and Cristina was sitting in the room. Staring. At me.

After 5 minutes of silence, she began to speak.

"I've thinking this trough, the couple of days. It can't be your home situation, you're very happy with Finn, otherwise you wouldn't move with him. So, it has to be the hospital. Not the job, 'cause you love your work. Not your friends, you don't have problems with them. So, it has the be McDreamy.." she said to me.

I look up to her, knowing she was right. She mostly is right. Sometimes I really can't stand her.

I walk to the door and close it.

"You really, really don't want yourself get into my problems Cristina.. It's way to complicated.." I said, kind of begging.

"So it IS McDreamy!" she said, a little shocked.

"Don't look so shocked, you know me, I always get myself into trouble," I replied, a little guilty.

"Good.. Now, we have a few options. One; you tell me, leave and we never speak again. Two; you tell me, leave and we call sometimes or three; you tell me, you don't leave, and we never talk about that anymore." Cristina said to me, looking very serious.

"All right," I say to her, with a sigh. Then I walk to the door again, open it, look of nobody is around, and lock the door.

"You really don't somebody to know, huh?" Cristina said, when I walked over to her.

"No! And if you tell, you're a dead woman!" I try to treathen her.

"At prom," I begin, "happened another terrible, terrible thing. Something I never should've done. It just that; Finn and I were dancing. And Derek.. Derek was looking at me. I was trying to live my life, but he was looking at me."

Cristina nodded. "Continue.." she said, friendly.

"I ran away, to a supplie-room. And he came after me. Derek. I mean. And then we had a huge fight. Me, telling him I wanted to be happy with Fin, live my life, that he should leave me alone. He, telling me he can't stand the fact I am with Finn.."

I walked to the window, staring outside, seeing Seattle at evening.

"And then.. he kissed me. And we did a terrible, terrible something." I finished.

There was silence again for a minute or two. I turned, and looked at Cristina.

"Cristina. Say something." I said.

"So..", she said thinking, "Sarah.." She swallowed. "Is it his?"

"Yes.." I whispered.

And all that time, I didn't notice there was someone at the door.

**Thanks for reading! Review please! )**


	4. Life became better

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Grey's Anatomy. **

A/N: Please read, enjoy, review!

Chapter 4: Life became better

"So, here we are. Michigan airport." Finn says with a smile.

"Yep.. We'll probably should get the car.." I replied, holding a sleeping Sarah in my arms.

10 minutes later we were loading the car with our bags. I looked at Finn, he looked a little sick and distracted.

"Finn.. Are you feeling okay?" I asked.

"Probably a little sick from the plane.. I'm fine.." he said, with a comforting smile.

"I'll drive," I said, just to be sure.

After being a few times lost, I drove into a street with beautiful houses. I stopped and parked before our house, and looked at it for a moment.

It was a white-colored house, with red shutters, and some grass around the house. It was rather big, but hey, this was Finnspractice also. Detroit Hope, thehospital,was a 10 minutes drive from here. I smiled, I was rather satisfied.

_gogogogogogogogogo_

I woke up, inmy new decoratedroom, smelling pancakes.

I live in Detroit a few months now, and it workes for me.And for Finn. His family is adorable and very kind.We wererather happy!

I took a shower, and dressed. I'm really tired. After a full dayshift, Sarah kept me and Finn the whole night wide awake.

I walked downstairs, to the kitchen where Finn was making breakfast. I walked to Sarah, who was annoyingly awake, happyand loud.

"Good morning beautiful," Finn said, and I smiled. How many cuteness can you have?

"How can she be so awake? She's been up all night!" I said, a little bumped.

Finn laughed. "Welcome to the Amazing World of Babies," he replied.

I walked over to him and kissed him passionate.

"I love you," I whispered, and I meant it.

_gogogogogogogogogo _

Four years past by, and things were going great.Finn and I love eachother very much, and are very happy together. I'd becomean attending at Detroit Hope, and a succesful surgeon. Finns practice is going great, although he'd have a lot of head aches the last year, so he could work less. He's sure it's nothing, so I'm not pushing him.

Sarah is a wonderful kid. She's smart, a little selfish at times, but she's very sweet.  
She does reminds me a lot of Derek, especially her attitude. She looks more like me, she's got blond wavy hair, and green eyes.

Sure do I missed my friends, and deep inside you-know-who. But, life became better.

**Sorry for the short chapter, the next one is longer!  
I just put this chapter in so you could see how life is going.. )  
Thanks again for reading, review please!**


	5. 911 Trauma

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Grey's Anatomy**

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing! This ones is going to be very surprising! **

And by the way; that 'someone' was _listening_ at the door! ;-)

Chapter 5: '911 Trauma.'

My pager goes off. Just when I sit down for the first time in 6 freakin' hours, my pager goes off!

I lift my pager up, and look what's going on. '911 Trauma'.

I get up and run to trauma, knowing this is something big.

When I get there, everyone starts to talk to me, but I can barely hear something.

The guy on the stretcher is Finn. My world stops for a few seconds.

"Dr. Grey! What do you want us to do?" A nurse asks me.

"Sorry, one more time. What's wrong with him?" I ask when I'm trying to focus.

"Mr. Dandridge, collapsed during his work, and is unconscious sins. Has an high blood pressure."

"Uhm, get him a CT and MRI immediately. I want results as soon as possible," I say, and I look down his chart.

Damn head aches, I think.

20 minutes later I stand looking at the results of the MRI and CT, with a major head ache myself. I think I can cry, but I won't. I can't. Not here, at least.

I look at a tumor, in a very rare area. It's not that big, but with high risks.

I think I cannot handle this and I walk out of the room, and drop myself in a on-call room. I cry, and try to put myself together. I have to think clearly, what is very hard on the moment.

I wipe my tears of my face, and go search for Finn.

When I walk into his room, go sit on the side of his bed.

"Finn, baby," I whisper. "Wake up, honey.. I need you here.." I cry again.

I'm holding his hand, trying to think what to do.

Then I know what to do. There is only one person in whole America who can fix this.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to make a call now, so somebody can come to help you. Then I'm back, okay?" I say to him and walk out of the room.

"Page me if anything, meaning ANYTHING happens," I tell a nurse.

Then I'm going to the locker-room, searching for my sell phone.  
When I found it, I'm overwhelmed with emotions.

I'm terrified, in shock, sad. But I have to call.

_"Derek Shepherd." _

"Derek.." I say, and I start crying.

_"Mer.. What's wrong?" _He sounds so concerned, and comforting.

"I need your help... It's Finn," I say, and I try to breath equal.

_"I'm coming as soon as I can, Mer. I promise. I'll see you soon, hold on," _he says to me, with his sweet, comforting voice.

That night at 10 PM I'm with Sarah, who was at the day nursery this morning, at the airport.

I'm holding her hand tight, when the flight from Seattle comes into the hallway. My heart passes one beat over when I see him come in. Worries are all over his face.

When he sees me, he looks a little relieved and walks over to me.

"Meredith.. You hangin' in there?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say, and a tear falls from my face. "I'm fine. We should go.."

Derek nods. "I'll drive. Give me your keys."

**Again, not a long chapter, I'm sorry!  
Hope you like the MerDer thing going on.. Next chapter we'll look trough Dereks eyes! ;-)  
Thanks for reading, please review! You can put your ideas there, maybe I'll use some of them..**


	6. Faith in you

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. But, maybe, someday I will.. ;-)**

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing guys! Like I said, this is a Derek-chapter.  
Read, enjoy, review!  
**

Chapter 6: Faith in you

**  
**When I looked at Meredith, my heart stopped for a moment. She was still wearing her scrubs, dark blue ones. So, she'd probably finished her residentsy here, and became a surgeon. She looked exhausted, and her eyes were swollen, from crying, I figured.

"Who is that man, mummy?" the little girl from the backseat asked.

Meredith looked at me for a moment and turned around.

"His name is Derek Shepherd. He.. he is an old.. friend of mummy. Be nice to him, Sarah.." she said to her, on a mummy voice tone.

I smiled. Sarah was a beautiful name. She looked very cute, with blonde wavy hair and deepgreen eyes. She looked like a lot like Meredith.

"Okay mummy... Derek, why are you here?" Sarah asked.

Ohw. I wasn't really prepared for that question.

"Well.. You probably know your daddy's a little sick, so I'm going to help your mummy to make him better.." I replied.

It was a moment very quiet at the backseat.

"Ow." Sarah said, "I think that's okay.."

About 10:45 PM we entered Finns room in the hospital. Meredith carried Sarah on her hip and lifted her on Finns bed.

"So, I need you to do something for me, okay honey? I want you to stay with daddy, until I come back. But if he wakes up, you should get me immediately, okay?"

"Yes mummy. Stay until daddy wakes up and then come and get you."

Meredith smiled. "Yes. I will be end of the hall to the right, and then fourth door, left side. Can you remember that?"

Sarah nodded. "End of the hall, to the right, fourth door of the left."

"Exactly. That's my girl. Now Derek and I are going away for a while."

Meredith gave Sarah a kiss on her cheek and she stroke Finns hair and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

Even though Finn was seriously sick, I felt a little jealousy, because deep inside I wanted Meredith to touch me just like she touched him.

I followed Meredith to the hallway, and I could smell her lavender conditioner, now I was walking so close behind her.

"She's a very clever girl," I said.

Meredith gave me a weak smile. "Yeah, a little stubborn too, that is."

We entered the fourth room from the left and she showed me results of a CT-scan and a MRI.

"The tumor isn't that big, but it's in a very complicated area," she told me, as I studies the results.

"The last year he was having all kinds of head aches. I can't believe I didn't-" Meredith said to me, and tears run over her face.

"It's not your fault, Meredith.." I said, and wiped her tears away with my finger.

"Nobody can see tumors coming.." I added. I felt a little helpless, it was painful for me to see Meredith broken like this.

She come closer to me and cried on my shoulder. I hold her tight and rocked her a little.

After she stopped crying a little, she looked up to me.

"You can operate, right?" She gave me an puppy eyes look.

"I can try. The risks are high other way.. But I can try.." I said.

"You should do it.." She nodded.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah. I have faith in you, Derek.."

I wanted to reply, but the door slammed open.

"MOMMY MOMMY! Daddy's awake!" Sarah yelled.

I've never seen Meredith left that quickly, and Sarah and I left behind.

"Come on," I said. "Let's go see your daddy.."

**I think this one of my better chapters. Thanks for reading, review please!**


	7. Ferryboats in Detroit

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Grey's Anatomy! Shonda Rhimes does.. I'm so jealous.. ;-) **

A/N: It is a real high you guys like to read this! Keep on reading.. enjoying, and reviewing!

Chapter 7: Ferryboats in Detroit

"Hey sweetie.." I said to Finn, with tears welling up in my eyes.

"Hey.." he replied, "I'm a little tired.."

"No, no, no," I said quickly, not wanting him to be unconscious again, "Please, try to stay awake."

"All right.. Tell me something. Anything," he said.

"Well.. You scared the hell out of me, that's for sure," I said, and smiled.

"Yeah, sorry baby.. It's the head aches, isn't it?" he said, quietly.

I nodded. My tears dropped on the blanket. "It's a.. uhm.. it's a tumor..in your brain.."

"Is it operable?" he asked, after he swallowed.

"Yes, and it's going to be hard," I admitted. "But, I brought the best neurosurgeon in the whole world with me," I said, and smiled at him.

Derek's timing couldn't be better, when he walked in holding Sarah's hand.

"Daddy!" she cheered. I saw Finn lighten up when she ran to him and climbed on the hospital bed.

"Hey, little honeybee!" Finn smiled.

Sarah hugged Finn very tight.

"Don't suffocate your daddy, sweetie,"I said smiling, andI lifted Sarah off Finn.

"Dr. Shepherd," Finn said when he saw him.

"Finn.. I am going to schedule your surgery now," Derek said, and nodded to me. Then he left.

At 11:30 PM Sarah started yawning. "You should get going," Finn said to me.

"You sure? I don't want to leave you.." I said, frightened something would happen if I wasn't there.

"Yeah, little honeybee is exhausted, and so are you. You need to get some sleep."

"Okay.. Rest up, I'll see you tomorrow.." I replied.

Then I picked Sarah up en carried her to the surgery board, where I found Derek.

-- FINN DANDRIDGE -- 11:15 AM -- TUMOR -- BRAIN SURGERY -- DR. SHEPHERD --

"So.. you scheduled the surgery," I said.

He nodded. "Let me drive you home, you look exhausted.." he offered.

"Yeah, I am. Thank you, Derek.." I said.

I carried Sarah into the car, and Derek drove me home.

"I'll call a cab, okay?" Derek asked when I put Sarah in her bed.

"You can sleep in the guest room, if you like," I offered.

"Only if you don't mind.." Derek replied.

"No, I don't mind.." I said, and I smiled at him.

It gave me a feeling of comfort I wouldn't sleep alone tonight.

4:15 AM

I woke up. I noticed I was still in my scrubs. Was to exhausted last night to change clothes.

I got up and took a shower. Hot water felt good. I walked downstairs, made some breakfast for Sarah and me, and write a note for Derek.

_Derek,  
_

_  
I left early this morning with Sarah. _

First to the hospital, then to day care.

I'll meet you back at the hospital.

_Feel free to use anything you want._

I remember you used to watch ferryboats in Seattle before surgery.

There ferryboats in Seattle too, if you like to see them.

Here the keys of the second car on the driveway.

_Meredith_

Then I woke Sarah up, washed her, dressed her en left.

**Thank you all for reading, please review!**


	8. A little family moment

**Disclaimer: Shonda Rhimes owns Grey's Anatomy. Not me.Wow, that sounds bitter.. **

A/N: Reading your reviews gives such an high!  
About grammar; I'm trying very hard, I use spelling-check all the time, but I'm only 14 and from the Netherlands.. I'm trying, thanks for mentioning.. I put the letter down again, now better, I hope.. ;-)  
Keep reading, enjoying, reviewing! A two-part chapter this time!

Chapter 8: A little family moment

"Good morning, sweetie," I said, when I saw Finn opening his eyes.

"Hey.. How long have you been here?" Finn replied, getting himself more comfortable.

"About an hour," I replied.

"Where's Sarah?" he asked, looking around.

"A nurse took her getting some coffee for me, she was bored," I said, grinning.

"Well, that's a little _us_-time then," he said with a smile.

I smiled back, stood up, and getting myself comfortable next to Finn.

I hold him tight, and put my head down on his shoulder. "Promise you won't die today.." I whispered.

Finn looked up to me, thenlifted his hand up and he touched my cheek.

"I'm going to do my very best, honey.."

"Just.. don't leave me alone okay.. don't leave us alone.." I whispered, and I gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"Daddy! You're finally awake!" Sarah cheered excited.

"Be careful with the coffee, little honeybee!" Finn said and he smiled.

"Yes daddy," Sarah answered and walked towards us.

She gave me the coffee, and then climbed on the bed.

I put the coffee down and decided to enjoy this little family moment.

I lifted Sarah up and put her down between Finn and me.

There was a silence, and I think we all were rather satisfied.

_gogogogogogogogogo  
_

My alarm went off, and I woke up. 7:30 AM, I knew. Less than four hours before surgery.

I got up, took a shower, dressed, and walked downstairs.

I mentioned nobody was at home and walked to the kitchen for some food.

On the kitchen table I found a note and some car keys.

_Derek,_

_  
I left early this morning with Sarah. _

_First to the hospital, then to day care._

_I'll meet you back at the hospital._

_Feel free to use anything you want._

_  
I remember you used to watch ferryboats in Seattle before surgery._

_There are ferryboats in Detroit too, if you like to see them._

_Here the keys of the second car on the driveway._

_  
Meredith_

I smiled because of the ferryboat part, she was right, I still do that before a difficult surgery.

I decided to buy some breakfast on the way, and grabbed the keys.

An hour later I watched ferryboats floating, ate some donuts with coffee, and tried to think some things over.

**Next chapter I will write the surgery, I'm kind of struggling with that part!**


	9. Watch myself lose control

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Grey's Anatomy. So you don't have to sue me ;-)**

**A/N: Finally a update. I've been on a trip to Disney Lands for three days, thinking a lot about this fanfic. I'm still not sure what's going to happen.. So, let's start already!  
Read, enjoy, review!**

Chapter 9: Watch myself lose control

**  
**12:45 AM.

I hear the painful sound of flat line. I collapse on the ground, crying loudly, turning my back to glass of the gallery. Breathe, Meredith, I think.

I hear everyone in the OR getting stuff for a code blue, trying to save my Finn.

I hear people surrounding me in the gallery, trying to calm me down, but I close my eyes and continue sobbing and crying.

I hear Derek charging the paddles, trying everything he can.

I hear myself thinking; there is no use of trying. He's already gone. He has already left me.

1:00 PM

I feel people touching me, carrying me.

I feel people lay me down on a bed, hoping that'll calm me down.

I feel myself turning around, thinking I'm never going to be okay.

I feel a headache coming, I feel infinite pain.

I feel abandoned, I feel empty.

1:30 PM

I watch myself lying on the same bed, still sobbing, tears finding there way down on my face.

I watch the door opening, Derek walking towards me, him lying next to me.

I watch him hold me, I watch him saying he's so sorry.

I watch myself beat him with my fists against his chest.

I watch myself lose control.

**  
I'm sorry this chapter isn't longer, but I feel like it's not right to write any more.  
There's an update coming soon, though. Review please!**


	10. Ferryboats in Seattle

**Disclaimer: I'm currently not owning anything of Grey's Anatomy! **

A/N: I'm so sorry Finn had to die. But otherwise the story would be become boring. Time to bring some old new things into the fanfic!  
Read, enjoy, review!

Chapter 10: Ferryboats in Seattle.

It's been over a month since Finn died.

"Mummy, why do we have to go?" Sarah nagged.

I sighed. I'm at the airport. Again. Three weeks ago I was here to, waving Derek goodbye. It's strange I'm so sad about him going back to Seattle.

Now I'm at the point of going back also, but now after a very long time.

"Because mummy is very sad here. In Seattle there are some friends of mummy, and maybe they can cheer me up," I replied to Sarah.

"Why I can't cheer you up?" she asked a little sad.

"You do, you do, honey. It's just.. Everything here remembers me all the time about daddy, and that hurts.." I said.

"I know," she said quietly and she grabbed my hand.

"Let's make a stop at the bathroom before we go on the plain," I said after a moment of thinking.

"Are you sick again, mummy?" she asked me.

The past month I wasn't feeling very well, and Sarah noticed, obviously.

"I'm not sick. I'm just a little nauseous, that's all." I said, not being entirely true.

"All right. I'm glad mummy." she replied, and walked with me to the toilettes.

_gogogogogogogogogo_

A few, well, okay, lots of time later, I drove trough Seattle with a sleeping Sarah on the backseat, and lots of bags.

I didn't know where to go, I didn't want to go to my old house, yet anyway.

I knew Izzie and George still lived there, but I didn't want to face them now. It would be painful to tell the whole story. I just wanted some peace and quiet right now.

_gogogogogogogogogo_

There he was. I didn't go here, to find him. Or see him. But now he was here.

I walked over to the bench he sat on. I shove Sarah a little aside, she was sleeping on my hip. Then I quietly sat down next to him.

"Hey Derek," I said, trying to let my voice sound calm.

His head turned to me, then he just looked at me for a few seconds.

"Mere," he said, a little confused.

There was a moment of silence, and I took the opportunity to watch a ferryboat float by.

"What are you doing here? I mean, what's the matter?" he asked, on a nice and sweet tone.

"I..I'm moving back here," I stumbled.

Another ferryboat floated by, and Derek nodded.

"It's just.. everything reminded me of him back there.. The house, Detroit Hope, the people, even the supermarket.."

A tear fell down on my jacket.

".. I'm moving back here," I said, now more secure than a minute ago.

"You're moving back here," he said, with his understanding, comforting voice.

"Do you have a place to sleep?" he asked, a few minutes later.

I shook my head.

"Do you want to sleep over at my place?" he asked.

I looked a little confused. How..

"What do you mean? At the trailer?" I asked.

"Yeah.. You and Sarah can sleep in the bed. I'll sleep at the couch. Maybe Sarah can play with Roger a little bit," he nodded.

"Roger?"

"My dog. I got a dog," he replied.

I nodded. "What about Addison?" It was surprising I really didn't thought about her earlier.

Derek looked away smiled. Why did he smiled? I asked myself.

"Addison left. A long time ago. She's back to New York. Maybe to Mark, I don't know.." he said.

I nodded.

"Why?"

"I don't know how, but she found out about prom.." he said quietly.

"She got really mad at me, and said she finally understand everything. I was confused, but not sad.." he said, and looked at me.

"The next day she was gone. And then, when I went to work, I heard you left town also.. I was lonely again. Then I got Roger.." He sounded sad.

"Things were complicated, Derek.." I replied, trying to comfort him in some way.

"Yeah.. I know. So.. What do you think?" he asked.

"What do I think?" I said a little confused.

"About sleeping over.." he replied with a smile.

"It'll be great, Derek. Thank you. Tomorrow I'll go to Izzie and George," I said.

"No hurries, no worries.." he said, and we watched the ferryboats for a while.

**Thank you for reading. Next chapter, a Izzie-chapter! Don't forget to review.. ;-)**


	11. Such a gossip!

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything of Grey's Anatomy. **

A/N: This one's a Izzie chapter. Read, enjoy, review!

Chapter 11: Such a gossip!

I licked the rests of my cupcake-dough of my fingers when the doorbell rang.

Who could that be? I wasn't in a relationship, or dating for that matter. It couldn't be Callie, 'cause she and George were on call. So.. Who could that be?

One way to find out, right, I think while walking to the door.

When I open the door, I can't believe my eyesight.

"Hey Iz," a person says who looks a hell of a lot at Meredith.

It was Meredith, I conclude.

"Mere.. What great to see you!" I say, still a bit surprised.

"I'm sorry I didn't call before," she starts apologizing.

"No, no, come in," I say and step out of the door.

With a cup of coffee we sit in the kitchen.

"So what brings you in town? A yummy case?" I say, interested.

"No. Yes. I hope, eventually. I'm moving back in," she said to me.

I'm a bit shocked. Glad, but shocked.

"Why? Last time I spoke to Cristina about you she said things really worked out between you and Finn.." I replied.

Meredith's face looks sad all of a sudden, I notice.

"Yeah. They did.." she said to me, and then she was quiet.

A tear fell down her face and I grabbed her hand, trying to comfort her a bit.

".. Until he died," she finished.

"Meredith.. I'm so sorry," I said, and I gave her a hug.

She sobbed and cried a bit, and I rocked her slowly.

_gogogogogogo_

"So I can move back here with Sarah?" Meredith asked me, again.

"Yeah! I'm sure George wouldn't mind.. And maybe he's moving out soon," I said with a smirk.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Well.. I'll probably shouldn't tell you, but when I was looking for my scrub pants in the laundry, I found a basket.." I said relieved, glad I finally could tell someone.

"He's going to ask Callie?" Meredith asked, with a little disbelief.

I nodded, and smirked.

Meredith laughed, and took a sip of our second cup of coffee.

"How're things here, I have to know everything, now I'm back here," she told me.

"You do! Burke became part chief, after dr. Webber got a few heart attacks.. Cristina and Burke are engaged, but that's for two years now, and that you probably now already.. Well, George and Callie I already told.. Alex moved to New York for plastics, just like.." I stopped for a moment. Should I start about Addison and Derek?

"..Addison, who left Derek, I know," Meredith said. Surprising.

"How..?" I said, a little confused.

"Derek was very helpful a month ago," she said, avoiding the subject a bit.

"So I ran into him last night and he offered a sleepover.. Sarah was already asleep, so I slept there last night.. He told me," she said.

I concluded nothing happened, and Derek probably slept at the couch.

Bad thoughts! She's a widow for just a month, and I'm thinking this already.. Not thinking of five years ago, when Meredith avoided him for a half year.. I'm such a gossip!

**Little short chap, I know. Next chapter about Meredith second first day at Seattle Grace, and some MerDer.. Review please!**


	12. What should I do?

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Grey's Anatomy!  
**

**A/N: Thank you so much for reviewing! It helps me a lot! Finn and Meredith weren't married, sorry! Addie and Derek are divorced, right after Addie left him.. ;-) Long chapter, this time! Read, enjoy, and review! **

Chapter 12: What should I do?

I found real comfort in my conversation with Izzie, what was a week ago.

I settled in the house, again, and Sarah seemed to like 'Uncle' Georgie a lot.

I saw all my friends again, Christina and Burke, Izzie and George, even Bailey looked happy to see me again. Burke offered me a job as surgeon at Seattle, which started today.

"You really have to go mummy?" Sarah asked me a bit sad.

"Yeah honey, I have to make some money, right?" I replied, in my mommy voice tone.

"I guess.." She said and ate a bit out one of Izzie's famous cupcakes.

"You could hang out with Uncle Georgie today, it'll be fun," I said to comfort her. Izzie, Christina and I had to work.

"Hey Sarah! Ready to have some fun today?" George said, while walking trough the door.

"Uncle Georgie!" Sarah cheered. She got of her chair and hugged him.

"Hey Mer. Ready to go to work again?" He asked me.

"I guess.. It's freaking me out a bit to go back to Seattle Grace again.. It is a bit different from Detroit Hope.." I said, after a sip of my coffee. What I must I do without my coffee, right?

"You'll be doing great, I know you will," George said with a smile.

"Are we going shopping, Uncle Georgie? I need school some new school supplies!" Sarah said.

"Sure we'll do. What do you think of the cinema right after?" George asked, while putting her on the chair again.

"The cinema? Cool!" Sarah cheered.

Izzie walked in and pored herself some coffee in a good-to-go-cup.

"Ready, Mer?" She asked, while she got the car keys.

I nodded. I was a little scared. All right, terrified.

"Be a good girl today, okay? Mummy will be back at 7:00 PM.." I say to Sarah, and give her a kiss.

"Have a nice day, George," I said to him and smiled.

Then I walked out the door, getting in the car, driving to Seattle Grace Hospital with Izzie next to me.

_gogogogogogogogogo_

When I walked in to Seattle Grace, I got some shivers.

It was exactly the same, but new in some kind. Different residences, of course, different interns, and new nurses. First I'd go to dr. Webber, who was the chief on call today.

He was glad to see me again, and assigned me to walk the day with Cristina.

It was nice to work with her again, but also I longed to work on my one, just like in Detroit Hope.

I struggled the day trough with some nausea, from the stress, I figured.

In one of my breaks I bumped into Derek.

"Hey.." I said.

"Hey," he replied.

"How is your day going?" He asked, interested.

"Uh.. Good, I guess.." I said, a little nervous.

"Sarah enjoyed playing with Roger," I said to break the upcoming silence.

"Yeah.. Roger enjoyed it too," he said to me with his McDreamy smile.

No, Meredith, do not call him McDreamy again! I thought to myself, It'll only get yourself confused and in trouble.

"I just want to thank you again, Derek, for being such a good friend.."

He helped me move past week, and showed me some new bars and restaurants.

"Stop thanking me, already! I said it was no problem, and now I'm saying it again. No problem!" He said with the same old smile.

"Okay.. Do you have some work for me tomorrow? An interesting case or what? Although I love Cristina, I'm sick of following her but around.." I said.

"And you don't get sick of following my but?" He said with a grin.

"Haha, very funny. You know what I mean.. I need some work, for my own.. I am a good surgeon, and you know it.." I replied.

"All right, you can help me with some cases.. Maybe I'll even pass some over.." He said, with a wink.

_gogogogogogogogogogo_

At 6:30 PM I was done, and I helped Izzie with some paperwork, so we could go home a little bit sooner.

Twenty minutes later I was home.

"Mummy!" Sarah yelled and ran towards me to conceive a big hug.

"You had a nice day, sweetie?" I asked, smiling at George.

"Yeah! We did go shopping, I bought new pyjamas too, yellow ones, and then we'd go to the cinema! The movie was so nice, mummy! And at the end of the day, we ate at McDonalds!" she said excited.

"Don't forget to breathe," I said laughing. "I'm glad you two had a nice day.."

I took of my jacket and put away my bag.

"Now, you go take a bath, and mummy will be at your bed in 30 minutes, to cuddle you in, okay?" I said.

"Yes mummy, and thanks for all the fun, Uncle Georgie!" She yelled while running up the stairs.

_gogogogogogogo_

Two hours later I finally was in my bed. It was been a full day.

It was hard, but also nice to be around Derek. I wanted him to know Sarah, after all, it was his child. But I was also feeling guilt, around him.

I couldn't tell him Sarah was his, because it would makes things all complicated.

He would be mad, of course, and Sarah would be confused.

After all, she already had a daddy, who was in heaven now.

People would whisper, and point at me, just like six years ago.

What would I do, what must I do?

Should I tell him, and make things complicated and messed up?

Or shouldn't I tell him, and wander around with guilt feelings around him and Sarah?

Finn, what should I do? I thought, while falling in an endless, wild dream..

**Well, what do you guys think? Should Meredith tell Derek? Let me know!  
Thanks for reading, and please, I'mbegging you, review!**


	13. Desire for scrambled eggs

**Disclaimer: At the moment I do not own anything of Grey's Anatomy.**

**A/N: It was interesting what you guys think! But, of course, I'm the writer and I'm going to do what I think is best for the story ;-)  
Read, enjoy, review!**

Chapter 13: Desire for scrambled eggs.

"So.. When you're going to tell him?" Cristina asked, on her sarcastic-self way.

"I don't know! I don't even know if I should tell him.." I sigh.

"What do you think?" I ask.

"Uh, don't involve me in this.." Cristina replied.

"You're already involved in this," I said, a little snappy.

"Dr. Grey, your labs are in!" A voice said from the counter.

I picked the labs up and walked back to Cristina.

I looked into the papers and was shocked about the results.

"Crap!" 

"What? An interesting case?" Cristina replied, hoping on a good surgery.

"No. Yes." I replied. I looked away.

"What is it?" Cristina asked.

"These are mine.." I said, quietly.

"Why would you let your blood checked out?" Cristina asked, closing the door.

"I'm pregnant," I replied, still shocked by myself.

"What?" Cristina reacted, shocked herself too.

"First I thought the nausea and not menstruate came from the stress and grieving.. But now, two and a half month later, I had the strange desire to scrambled eggs.."

"What has scrambled eggs has to do with anything?"

"I hate scrambled eggs. Except when I was pregnant." I sighed again.

There was a silence for three minutes.

"It's unbelievable. You're just back for a few weeks and you already have things messed up.." Cristina said.

"Cristina.." I begged for some compassion.

"All right. You screwed things up a bit. I suppose you tell Derek, or he'll notice on his own, because of your huge guilt face when you see him. He's not blind. For problem two, we'll all help you. You have a family here."

"Thank you.." I said, while she got up.

"No problem. You're my person," she replied and walked out of the door.

_gogogogogogogogo_

"Mummy.. Can we go to Derek's tomorrow? I want to play with Roger again!" Sarah asked me while I tucked her in bed.

"You played with Roger last week, sweetie.." I replied, while giving her a kiss.

"Please, please mummy?" She asked again, with Derek's puppy eyes.

I couldn't resist those damn eyes.

"All right, I'll call him if he's free tomorrow.."

"Jay! Thanks mummy!"

"Now, go to sleep.. I'll check on you in half an hour.." I replied, and turned the light off.

I went downstairs and picked up my cell phone.

_"Derek Shepherd."  
_

"Derek, it's me, Meredith."

_"Mer. What's the matter?" _

"Sarah asked all day long if she could play with Roger tomorrow. She really likes him.."

_"Sure. Roger loves her company too.."_

"And there's something I have to tell you. Can we come by at 11:00 AM?"

_"Of course. Goodnight, Meredith."_

"Goodnight, Derek." 

**So. What will she tell Derek? That Sarah is his? Or about her pregnancy? Or maybe both? You'll read in the next chapter!  
Thanks for reading and please, please review!**


	14. We're late

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. It's kind of a wish, though.**

**A/N: Your reviews make me smile so intensely! Of course Meredith is pregnant from Finn.. I haven't seen her having any sex with Derek lately, do you? ;-) I understand the question, though.. A two part chapter again, this time the views from Sarah and Derek! Read, enjoy, review!**

Chapter 14: Late!

_Sarah_

I opened the door of mummy's bedroom. I wanted to play with Roger already!

"Mummy mummy, wake up! Are we going to Derek's soon?"

I climbed on the big, soft bed. I saw mummy opening her eyes, and she turned around, so she could see me.

"What's the time, honey?" She asked me.

I looked at her alarm clock.

"9:00 AM. When are we going to Derek's?" I asked.

Of course I liked playing with Roger, but I liked Derek very much. And mummy looked happier after we went to Derek's. Just like she was happy with daddy..

"In two hours.." Mummy mumbled.

"So.. Are we going to have breakfast now..?" I asked, a little impatient.

"First we're going to take a shower.. Then we'll see if I could make us some breakfast.." Mummy replied.

I hope Izzie made cupcakes. Mummy isn't really a great cook..

Half an hour later, we finally were sitting at the kitchen table.

Uncle Georgie made us same breakfast, and I was glad.

"What do you want to eat, Sarah?" He asked me.

"Uhm.." That was a tough question. "Eggs, please!" I replied.

"Mer?" Uncle George asked to my mummy.

"Yeah.. For me to, but make them scrambled," Mummy replied.

"I thought you only ate scrambled eggs when you were-"

"George!" Mummy interrupted him, and gave him a look.

I wonder what she meant.

"Owh, you aren't-" he said, with some disbelieve.

I really wanted to know what was going on now.

"Yes, I am.." Mummy said to him, on a cold, icy tone and gave him another look.

I wish I was older and they could tell me what was going on!

"Owh," Uncle George said again. "Scrambled eggs it is.."

_gogogogogogogogogogo_

Mummy looked nervous.

"Mummy, why are you nervous?" I asked.

She looked surprised. If she didn't expected me to notice.

"I'm not nervous," she replied, without looking at me. She was driving the car, so it was better if she didn't look at me, I guess.

"You lóók nervous," I said.

"Well, I'm not." She said to me.

"Okay," I replied, deciding it was better this way.

There was a silence. And I don't like silences.

"Is Derek glad we are coming?" I asked.

Mummy looked relieved I didn't mention she was nervous, again.

"Yes, I think he is. Roger likes spending time with you.."

Why did she start about Roger? I asked about Dérek.

"Yeah, I like Roger too.."

I looked at Mummy's watch.

"We're late.." I mentioned.

Mummy looked at her watch and sighed.

"We're 5 minutes late," she said and rolled with her eyes.

_gogogogogogogo_

_Derek_

It was 11:10 AM when Meredith and Sarah parked down next to the trailer.

"You're late," I said with a grin on my face.

Meredith rolled her eyes, and Sarah laughed.

"What?" I asked, very innocent.

"I said that already, 5 minutes ago!" Sarah giggled.  
I nodded and looked with a big smile to Meredith.

"Who would like some lemonade?" I asked, heading to the trailer.

"Me, me!" Sarah cheered and ran to the trailer with Roger on her heels.

Fifteen minutes later we were down the lake, with some lemonade and picnic robe.

"Sarah, come here for a minute!" Meredith yelled after a short talk.

She was nervous, or worried, or both, because she was fiddling.

Sarah ran over and sat down. "What is it mummy?"

"I actually wanted to tell you and Derek something," Meredith said.

Now I was really curious.. I nodded and Sarah did too.

"Well.. Mummy is pregnant again, you're getting a baby sister or –brother.." Meredith said quickly, and a little relieved.

"Really?" Sarah's eyes turned bigger.

Meredith nodded.

"What do you think?" She asked Sarah.

"That is SO cool!" Sarah cheered.

Meredith smiled, and then looked a little insecure at me.

"Congrats, Mer.." I said with a smile and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Can I go play with Roger again, now?" Sarah asked and looked at Mer and me with puppy eyes.

"Sure," Meredith laughed.

"So, what do yóu think?" Meredith asked me, when Sarah was gone.

"I think it's great Mer.. I will help you, if you need some.. Watching Sarah or something.. I've the feeling we really get along," I said to her.

Meredith blushed and looked away.

"What is it?" I asked, a little confused.

A tear dropped on her green coloured sweater.

She cried. Why she cried?

"What's wrong Mer?"

**Cliffhanger! I know I'm mean. Please review, or I'll not write the next chapter. Just kidding. But do review please, it means a hell of a lot to me! Thanks for reading!**


	15. Let me love you

**Disclaimer: Shonda Rhimes owns Grey's Anatomy. And that's not me!**

A/N: I'm still not sure if I'm going to let Mer tell the truth. This story really writes it's own. Creepy. Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad to see I have loyal readers. Read, enjoy, and don't forget to review!

Chapter 15: Let me love you

"What's wrong Mer?" He asked me.

Should I tell him?

Thoughts are running trough my head;

"_So.. When you're going to tell him?" – Cristina_

"Mummy, why are you nervous?" - Sarah

"_I suppose you tell Derek, or he'll notice on his own, because of your huge guilt face when you see him." – Cristina_

"What is it?" - Derek

"_He's not blind, you know." – Cristina_

I really screwed things up.

"Mer..?" Derek asked again.

Another tear dropped on my favourite sweater.

I can't tell him!

I looked at Derek. Tears had filled my eyes. 

"Why are you so upset?"

His voice was so.. sweet. So kind. So nice. So goddamn McDreamy!

"It's Sarah.." I cried.

Derek looked up, and probably saw Sarah playing happily with Roger.

"Sarah's fine, Mer.." He said.

I should shut up. Now. Walk away.

"No.." I said, and looked away from his gaze.

"Yes, she is.." 

He tried to comfort me. He tried to comfort me! Where did I get myself into!

Run away, Meredith. Now.

"No, she isn't. She's yours, Derek."

Oh no I didn't. I didn't just said that.

"Excuse me?"

Maybe I can correct myself. I looked at Derek.

No, I can't. He heard me.

"Finn isn't her biological father. You are. Finn knew. Sarah still doesn't." I sobbed.

There you are. I said it. I screwed things up. Again.

"Mummy, why are you crying?" Sarah interrupted my thoughts.

She probably saw me crying and walked over here.

"Is it the baby?" She asked sad.

I tried to smile at her.

"No, it isn't, sweetie. Mummy's just a little sad. Maybe we should go.." I said, looking at Derek, while I stood up.

"Don't." Derek said, looking at me.

He had tears in his eyes. In his puppy McDreamy eyes.

"Stay.." He said, and he holds out his hand.

I considered the suggestion. It probably is better to stay.

Otherwise I'll end up in the whole avoiding-program.

I took his hand and sat down again.

"Mummy is fine, honey. Now go play with Roger again, Derek and I have to talk.." I said, and cleared my troth.

"Okay," Sarah said, shrugged her shoulders and ran away towards Roger.

Then there was a silence. I didn't know what to say. Then he spoke. 

"I'm blaming myself for this. You shouldn't feel guilty. I should have thought more clearly, especially when you started to avoid me after Prom. You were pregnant. I thought it was Finn's, because you stayed with him. I should've thought more clearly-"

"Derek.." I interrupted him. I don't want him to do this to himself.

"No. Let me finish. I'm not blaming you. And, I don't want to lose you again, Meredith. The months when I was together with you, were the best of my life. Then came Addison, and I tried to make the best decision. I didn't. My heart was with you, Meredith, and it still is.."

I swallowed, and he cleared his troth.

"The five years without you were the worst of my life. I'm back to happy now, Meredith. I want to stay your friend. Stay Sarah's friend.."

"Derek-" 

"No, I'm not done yet. I don't want to lose you again, Meredith. Just.. not again. I want to be a good friend to you, I want to help you, I want to comfort you, and I want to laugh with you.. Let me love you, Meredith.. Don't let me lose you again.." 

**How about that? How do you guys feel about this chapter? Please push on that 'Go' button over there. Yeah, there you go. Thank you!**


	16. Deja'vu

**Disclaimer: I'm only fourteen years old. I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Q/A: _Is Meredith pregnant with Finn or Derek's baby? _Well, the baby number two is from Finn! She is pregnant like, three months now, and three months ago, Finn was very alive in this fanfic, and Derek wasn't in the picture yet! ;-) **

A/N: Well, thanks for reviewing, again! I'm at 50 reviews now, and that makes me incredibly proud, you have no idea. Read, enjoy, and please, don't forget to review!

Chapter 16: Deja'vu

Oh my God. Did he just say all those perfect things?

I looked at him. He so totally did. I smiled.

And then I did something I shouldn't be doing. Or..?

Come on, Mer! Finn wasn't dead for two and a half months.

I should grieve more, right?I shouldn't be with the man, who was, honestly, the love of my life?

Or should I be? Get my life back together?

_Love, like life, is about making choices. Right?_

I still think I made the right decision, five years ago.

I was happy, Finn was happy, Sarah was happy. But Derek wasn't happy..

Three outnumbered one, right?

Well, the past is the past, that's all I know.

Now, we're in the present, and here in the present, things are complicated.

Derek likes Sarah, and Sarah likes him. Derek loves me and I love him.

Maybe things aren't that complicated, as I thought.

For all that, I pulled away. I tried to catch some breath, and so did Derek.

"What are we doing?" I asked more to myself.

Derek looked at me with his McDreamy eyes.

"I mean.." I didn't know for sure what I meant. "What are we going to do?"

After all, I was pregnant, and it wasn't his. Wow, is this deja'vu or what?

"We could be a family, Mer.." Derek said softly.

Like I said, deja'vu.

"But.." I actually didn't know a but. I love him!

"No buts.. I love you Mer! And I know you still love me. I want to take care of you, and be a father to your children.. All of them."

I was touched. I think this could really work out.

"Derek-" I started.

"If this moving to fast for you, I get it. I really do. But I can wait, I'll do anything for you.."

I placed my finger on his mouth.

"Shh. It's my turn, now." I smiled.

"I do love you Derek.. And I don't want to wait anymore, we've past way to many time for that," I said to him, and kissed him again.

Maybe Finn and I were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then our time past. If we could have know that before hand, maybe it all would've been much easier.

I did take fate into my own hands, and I tried not to let some guy drag me down.

But now I believe Mrs. Schneider was right, I was lucky, because I have that kind of passion for someone, and I would be together with him forever..

Love is about making choices, putting down the poison and the dagger, and making my own happy ending.

And sometimes, despite all my best choices and all my best intentions, fate wins anyway..

Deja'vu, huh?

"I love you too, Mer," Derek said and placed his arms around my waist.

There we were, happy and satisfied, watching our daughter play and being happy.

**So, there it is. I certainly wasn't easy to write this chapter! I rewrote it a few times, and here is the outcome. Little short, I know!  
Please, let me know what you guys think, and review. Thanks for reading!**


	17. Don't use that against me

**Disclaimer: So.. After 16 chapters I still do not own Grey's Anatomy! ;-) **

A/N: Ahw. Your reviews make me so intensely happy! Keep on going. So, here we are, chapter 17! Read, enjoy, and please, I beg you, review!

Chapter 17: Don't use that against me..

"Mummy, mummy, wake up!"

"Urgh.." I replied, and looked at my alarm clock.

9:15 AM, which was okay. I probably should get up anyway.

"What is it honey?" I asked.

"Daddy asked me to wake you! Breakfast is ready." Sarah replied and cuddled down next to me.

"Daddy?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah. Derek said it was okay.. You think too right?" Sarah asked, looking at me with begging eyes.

"Of course it is," I said and couldn't help to laugh a bit.

"When is Rachel going to be born?" Sarah asked me, again.

She asked me that question the past two months, especially now my belly was turned so big again.

"In about two weeks, honey.." I replied.

"Okay. Before I was born, were you this big too?" Sarah asked, a little shocked.

"Yes, I was.." I said, and smiled.

"Now, you go tell daddy I'll be down in a minute." I said to her, and gave her a kiss.

Sarah ran away, and I tried to get up as smooth as possible.

It was a half year ago since Derek and I got back together.

He didn't officially moved in here, but he practically did, to help me, with Sarah and the baby.

I found out it was a girl by echo, and named her Rachel already.

I brushed my hair for a second and then got downstairs.

In the kitchen Derek and Sarah sat down with pancakes.

"Hmm, pancakes," I said with a smile, and gave Derek a quick kiss.

Then I sat down and start eating my pancakes.

I looked at Derek and I started to grin at him.

"What?" He said with a smile.

"So.." I swallowed for a second, "Daddy, huh?"

"Come on," he said smiling and Sarah and I giggled. "Don't use that against me.."

I laughed a little harder.

"I won't, I promise," I said and spared my time enjoying the pancakes, and of course, grinning at him.

"I'm going to watch TV now," Sarah said after she finished.

"Okay honey. But go take a bath after 30 minutes, okay?" I replied.

She nodded and left the room.

Derek and I started to do the dishes.

"So, any hot cases at work?" I asked, trying to sounds so careless as possible.

"Mer.. Try to relax for once!" Derek said laughing.

"I am!" Damn. He looked at me in such way.. "Trying, I mean.." And I smiled.

"Hey you guys," Callie said while entering the kitchen.

She walked over to the fridge to get some milk.

"So.. Congratulations with your engagement, huh?" Derek said to her and smiled.

Callie turned and smiled. "Thanks," she replied and nodded at me.

Then she walked out of the room, getting herself back upstairs I assume.

I couldn't help but laugh after she was gone and Derek looked at me with his McDreamy grin.

"What?"

"You know what.. It stays weird talking to her after she walked in on us, at Prom.." I said and he nodded smiling.

"Yeah.."

"I mean, she's been real nice, and helpfully.. but it's awkward.." I said.

Derek put the last plate away and wrapped his arms around me.

I turned around, and leaned forward to him. Damn belly.

"So.." I said.

"So.." He replied and grinned.

"Daddy, huh?" I giggled and kissed him before he could defend himself.

"Ouch!" I said suddenly.

"What is it?" Derek said worried.

"I don't know.." I replied, thinking what that intense, all of a sudden pain could cause.

"Do you think-" Derek started.

"No! It's to early for that!" I said, but eventually I nodded.

"I'm going to get Izzie.. You.. just hang in there, okay?" Derek said, as he walked out of the kitchen.

I nodded, and I walked to the living room, searching for Sarah.

"Sarah, honey?"

"Yes, mummy?" Sarah answered from the couch.

I walked over to her and sat down too.

"Mummy has to go to the hospital for a while, but Uncle Georgie and Auntie Callie are going to take care of you, okay?"

She nodded.

"I thought you said Rachel wasn't coming for a week or two," she said, a little surprised.

I nodded and smiled.

"I thought so too, but I guess Rachel didn't," I replied.

"Mer! You okay?" Izzie said with a huge smile, standing in the doorway.

I looked over to her.

"Yeah, I guess. Just don't smile at me that way. Labor isn't pretty," I said, with the fresh memory of Sarah's delivery.

Izzie shrugged her shoulders as George walked in the room, with Derek on his heels.

"You okay, Mer?" George asked.

"Uncle Georgie!" Sarah cheered and ran over to him to give him a big hug.

I sighed. If people are going to repeat that question over and over again the next 24 hours, I swear, I'm going to make a new law for that!

"I'm fine. Now, will you please take of my other little girl while I'm gone?" I said, getting up, so graceful as possible.

"Yeah, I will.." George said, holding Sarah tight.

"Okay. Let's have this baby, people!" I said walking out of the door, followed by Izzie and Derek.

**I'm not going to have explain to you that Izzie is maternity person-thingy, right?**

**So, I hope you enjoyed. I'm not going to write the whole delivery-labor thing all over again, so next chapter you'll read about Sarah seeing her new baby sister! Thanks for reading, please review!**


	18. The magical world of coffee

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Shonda Rhimes does though.**

**  
A/N: Thanks you guys so much for reviewing! This one's, surprise, surprise, a Sarah chapter! Read, enjoy, and review! **

Chapter 18: The magical world of coffee

"Is that her?" I ask Daddy, while watching trough the glass.

"Which one do you mean?" Daddy replied laughing.

I chuckled. There were like twenty babies behind the glass.

"Uhm," I looked at the tiny baby in the back.

"She's lying in the back. Pink blanket, of course.. And uhm, the second one from the right," I said and looked at Derek.

"How did you know that is her?" He asked me with a proud look on his face.

"Well.. She's the tiniest baby in the whole room!" I said with a grin on my face.

"Smart ass," Daddy replied.

"Can't we get any closer! I want to see the details!" I asked, and looked with my best begging face at Daddy.

Derek smiled and chuckled.

"Well, actually, we can't.." He said.

"But?" I chuckled too.

"Because you are Sarah, and I am Derek, we can.."

He kneeled down beside me and I climbed on his chest.

Then we looked around, and after a couple of moments we sneaked in.

"She's so beautiful!" I whispered, stunned by the view of my baby sister.

The little hair she had, had the colour of red, but soft red, a little near brown. She had tiny fingers, with perfect little fingernails.

Her left foot moved once in a while, and her eyes were closed.

"Do you think she's dreaming? I think she's dreaming.." I whispered.

Derek just nodded.

"I wonder what colour of eyes she has.. Do you?"

"Yes, I do," Derek whispered back and we smiled.

After a minute or two staring at my baby sister a voice interrupted our moment of grace.

"Hey, you aren't allowed here!"

The voice came from the doorway, and was on a whisper-tone.

I looked behind me and saw Izzie standing there, extremely smiling.

"Funny," Derek replied and smiled.

"Izzie!" I cheered, but whispered though.

I ran over to her, and she gave me a big hug.

"So, what do you think of your new baby sister?" Izzie asked me with a huge smile.

"She is so adorable!" I said happy.

"Yeah, she is, huh? But, she needs to sleep, a lot, now," Izzie said and looked over to Daddy.

"Yeah yeah, we're leaving already," Derek said, laughing quietly.

He took my hand and we walked out of the room, leaving Izzie behind.

We walked trough some hallways and we just enjoyed being together.

When I got tired of walking, we stopped at a coffee machine.

"Where's Mummy?" I wondered when Derek put a coin in to the machine.

Daddy picked me up at home this morning and right after we'd go see Rachel.

"Mummy's really tired, honey. She's sleeping now too, just like Rachel," he replied and smiled at me.

He took his coffee cup and sat down with me on his lap.

"You look tired, you know," I said to him looking in his eyes.

"I know. That's why I have this here, sweetie," Daddy said to me and grinned.

"Welcome to the magical world of coffee."

**Not very long chapter, I know. But I feel like it's important for you guys to know how Sarah feels about her baby sister, and how Derek's handling her now. So, I hope you've enjoyed! Thanks for reading, and please push that purple/grey little button and review!**


	19. A little dizzy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy! **

Q/A: _You're a resident for six years. Meredith wouldn't be an attending if her daughter was four. She'd be a 5th year resident.  
_**I agree. But, at prom, I calculate her as a first year. Then, 9 months later, Sarah is born. In the story, when she's with Finn and she'd become an attending, Sarah turned around five. Five years, plus 9 months, plus 1 year, makes definitely over 6 six years if you ask me.. ;-) I'm sorry if my writing is a little confusing sometimes! Good question! **

**A/N: Well, chapter 19! I have about, 64 reviews now, and although I think 64 are awesome, I really liked more! So I can improve my writing for you. I want you to tell what parts suck, and which are great! ;-) So.. read, enjoy, and review!**

Chapter 19: A little dizzy

I open my eyes and close them right away because of the extreme bright sunlight.

Ugh, tiredness, I think by myself.

I open my eyes again, bit by bit now, adjusting to the sunlight.

I look at Derek, who's asleep with Sarah on his lap, also sleeping. Cute.

Izzie walks in to the room and she sits down beside me on the bed.

"How're you feeling?"

"Tired," I answer and smile at her.

"Looks like that coffee didn't have much effect," I say to Izzie and chuckle.

Izzie looks over to Derek and chuckles too.

Derek still had an empty coffee cup in his hand, which was a picture I wouldn't forget for a long time.

Suddenly he wakes up, and smiles at me.

"Ahw, sorry honey, did we wake you up?" I say to him with some compassion.

"Ah you guys are killing me with cuteness over here!" Izzie says.

"I'm leaving now," she says, while looking at us with a huge smile.

"So.. here we are," Derek said laughing and he stands up, holding a still sleeping Sarah in his arms.

He cuddles next to me in bed and puts Sarah down between us.

"Here we are," I repeat.

There was a nice, quiet silence and all of a sudden Derek chuckles.

"What is it?" I say smiling.

"I was just thinking.. I haven't hear you swear like that in ages," and he chuckles again.

I grumble.

"You try deliver a baby, after.. seven hours and 20 minutes of labour pains," I reply, a little grumpy.

Derek looks up to me.

"So.." He puts up his sad face.

"No third?"

Now he looks at me with those damn puppy eyes.

"Shut up!" I say laughing.

"Mummy.." Sarah mutters, while waking up.

**(A/N: I looked in my dictionary the other day, and I discovered I spelled Mummy in the British-English way. In the one hand, it's good, because I study British English in school. But, in the other hand, this is kind of an American fan fiction, right? I should spell Mommy. But, because I'm me, I just continue to write Mummy in the British way!)**

"Hey sweetie," I reply and stroke her hair a bit.

She looks up to me and smiles.

"What do you think of your baby sister?" I ask her, being curious.

"Oh mummy! Rachel is so adorable! I love her now already!"

I look at her with a huge smile.

"When are we going to take her home already?" Sarah cheers.

"Well," I say, "I'm not really sure yet."

"Because Rachel is born a little early, she has to stay in that little, warm, glassy cradle for a while.. She has to be a little stronger and bigger for we can take her home," Derek says to Sarah and she nods.

"When'll that be?"

"In a week or two, sweetie," I say and nod.

"When you can go home?" Sarah asks and crawls up to me.

"Soon. Today or tomorrow, I hope," I reply and I give her a hug.

Suddenly I feel a little shaky.

"Wow," I say and grab to my head with my right hand.

"What is it?" Derek says concerned.

"I don't know.. I'm a little dizzy," I reply and everything begins to turn and move.

Oh no. I'm not seeing so clear anymore. Help.

"I'm not.. feeling so well," I say, and try to grab something for more hold.

"Tell me what's wrong, Mer.." I can hear Derek say vaguely, like he's really far away.

"Dizzy," is all I can say, before everything turns black and I pass out.

"Mummy!"

**Okay. That cuteness was killing me too, just like Izzie. So, before this fanfic turns all fluffy and pink, I wrote some drama. Nice cliffhanger, huh? Guess you're not so thrilled about it. So, before you start yelling at me, please review!  
Thanks for reading, it makes me real happy! **


	20. Thank you

**Disclaimer: Addictt, so, that's me, doesn't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**A/N: So, I'm writing this right after chapter 20, so, I can't reply any question or what so ever. Just, read, enjoy, and review! Oh yeah.. This one's a.. uhm.. hard one.. let's go with.. Derek! **

Chapter 20: Thank you

"Meredith? Meredith!" I say getting off the bed.

"Mer..? Wake up!"

I lift Sarah off the bed and look her in the eye.

"Go tell the first nurse you see that Dr. Shepherd told you that Dr. Stevens needs to be paged, can you do that?"

Sarah nods and runs out of the door.

I do a quick investigation on Mer. It's bad.

Low blood pressure, weak pulse, --_medical medical medical--_.. She's bleeding out, and quick too!

**(A/N: So, I don't study medicine. Keep that in thought, ha ha.)**

"What happened?" Izzie storms in the room, with Sarah on her heels.

"She passed out, after telling me she's dizzy. Her -_medical- _is –_medical-_."

"Okay, prep OR two, we're going in," Izzie tells some nurse.

"She's bleeding out, huh?" I ask Izzie, with a crack in my voice.

Izzie lifts Mer's shirt and examines her stomach.

"There's definitely something wrong in her uterus," Izzie says and looks at me.

"I'm going to fix this, Derek.." Izzie says self secured.

I nod, but it's not very convincing.

"You just, hang in there with Sarah.. This is going to be okay."

A few nurses roll Meredith, all white and vulnerable, out of the room, probably to the OR.

I'm sure I'm looking terrified, because Izzie walks over to me and takes my hand.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to fix this Derek. Meredith is strong, a real fighter. She's going to get trough this," she says and walks away.

"I'm scrubbing in now.. Take care," Izzie says when she leaves the room.

I turn around, and see Sarah standing there, all white and frightened.

I walk over to her and lift her up.

"You heard Izzie.. Mummy is strong, she's going to be fine," I say when I hug her.

"Is Mummy bleeding.. from the inside?" Sarah asks me and she sobs.

"Yes, I guess she is, honey. But, Izzie is a very good doctor and she's going to fix this, okay?"

I feel her nod.

"I'm scared, Daddy."

Tears are filling my eyes.

"Me too, sweetie.." I say when I walk out of the room with her.

"Are we going to see Rachel?" Sarah says with a quiet, little voice.

"Do you want to?" I ask, and wipe a tear from my face.

"Yes.. When I see her, I'm not so scared anymore.."

"Okay. Let's go see Rachel, then," I say and walk over to the elevator.

_gogogogogogogogogogo_

Four hours later we were still sitting down next to Rachel.

She was so tiny and vulnerable, but she also looked so strong.

Sarah was still crawled into my sweater, half asleep and half awake.

Izzie still didn't came by so I figured Mer was still in surgery.

It killed me from the inside, not having control in a situation like this.

The love of my life could actually die at this very moment.

"Derek.."

That's Izzie voice.

I turn around, full of doubt.

"There was a bleed out in her uterus.. She lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stop the bleeding. She's going to be tired, crappy and shaky for a few days, but then she should be feeling fine," Izzie says when I look at her.

I sigh relieved.

"Thank you, Izzie.."

It was all I could say at the moment.

Izzie nods, and smiles understanding at me.

"She's probably back in her room by now, but she's going to sleep until tomorrow. We put her a bit longer under anaesthesia so she could get a bit stronger."

I nod.

"Thank you for everything," I say and give her the best I could get out of a smile.

"Why won't you go home.. She'll wake up about 10 AM tomorrow. Get some sleep," Izzie says.

She's probably right. I should go home.

"I will, Izzie. Are you on call tonight?" I ask.

"Yeah, I am. I'll page you if necessary."

"Okay. Thank you, again," I say to her while getting up.

"No problem, Derek. I love her too," she replies and leaves the room.

**So, Mer survived the surgery already! But, will there be any complications during the night? Will Meredith be able to have more children? You'll read next chapter! Thanks for reading, y'all! Please press that cute little review button! ;-)**


	21. Naughty eyes

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Q/A: _Can you try to make the chapters longer? It's more interesting and easier to review.. _  
I can imagine it's easier when I make the chapters longer. I'll sure try, but I can't promise you anything! ;-)  
Q/A: _The switching of pov's a bit confusing..  
_****Sorry for that! In the Author's Note I write every time if a switch the pov. If there's nothing there, the pov is Mer.. I'll hope that helps! Thanks for reviewing ;-)_  
_  
A/N: Wow. 74 reviews. Thank you so much! But I'll like to see more, please! Well.. Let's get this chapter over with! Will Mer be able to have children again? Read, enjoy, and review!**

Chapter 21: Naughty eyes

When I open my eyes, I feel weak. Little dizzy. A bit shaky too.

"Mer.. You okay?"

Derek's voice. I look beside me, where he Derek gives me a smile.

"Uhm.. Not sure," I tell him.

"What happened?"

Everything's kind of woozy.

"You don't remember?" Derek asks.

I shake my head.

Wow. Don't do that again. It hurts.

"No.. where's Sarah?"

"At school, honey.."

School. Right. What day's it today?

"Oh.. okay."

Pain. I have pain, like, everywhere. What happened!

"What happened?" I ask again.

Derek looks at me, in a way he looks at patients some times.

Why does he do that? What the hell..

"Derek.. just tell me.."

"Okay.. After the delivery of Rachel.. You started to feel dizzy.."

I nodded.

"Then you passed out.. There was a bleed out in your uterus. You went in to surgery and Izzie managed to stop the bleeding.."

I swallowed. This was bad.

"Are there.."

My voice cracked.

"Are there consequences?"

Derek grabs my hand.

"I don't know, sweetie.. I only talked to Izzie for a few seconds.."

I swallow again.

"Okay.."

Derek tries to smile at me, but I know he's scared, just like me.

"I know you hate it when I ask.. But how're you feeling?"

I smile. He always can make me smile.

"Still a bit woozy.. And nauseous. And I have a head egg.."

Derek nods.

"You want to see Rachel? Sarah's convinced she can make all your pain go away.."

"How in the world you want to do that? I'm just out of my anaesthesia.." I say laughing.

Derek looks at me with his naughty eyes and grins.

"What is your plan, mister?"

"We are Dr. Shepherd, and Dr. Grey. We can do anything we want to," is the only thing he says.

Then he looses the brakes of my bed and starts pushing me, and the bed, out of the door.

"Derek.." I say, with a grin on my face also, "We can't do this.."

"Yes, we can. It's 10:15 AM.. People are having their coffee pause.. No one will notice," Derek replies.

"Yeah, right," I say and lay my head down on the pillow.

_gogogogogogogogogogogo_

Half an hour later..

"I've been looking all over for you guys!"

I'm not looking up, the view I'm having right now is stunning.

My second baby girl, just as beautiful as the first one.

"Dr. Stevens," I hear Derek say as a kid who did something wrong.

Okay. I'll probably have to look up now.

"Izzie.." I say when I look up.

I pull back my finger out of the incubator, and I already miss the feeling of touching Rachel's little fingers.

"You guys really have to go back.."

Izzie says, trying to be as strict as possible.

Derek nods, and I reply;

"We should.."

Izzie nods, and Derek's getting up.

"Let's go then," he says a little sad.

I nod and he starts to push me back to my room.

In the elevator I look up to Izzie.

"So you were looking for us?"

Izzie nods.

"Yeah. You two scared the crap out of me, being disappeared like that!"

I grin at her.

"Sorry.."

"We should have left a note or something," Derek says and smiles at me.

Izzie shakes her head, pseudo disappointed, and smiles.

Back in my room, Izzie closes the door.

"So you were looking us for a reason," I start to help her a bit.

"Yeah.. I have to talk to you guys," she says and sits down at my bed.

A shiver crawls over my back.

"Mer.. Your bleed out was pretty huge.. So there were a few complications.. I've tried my very best to cover everything up.."

Now she was really scaring me.

I searched for Derek's hand for a minute and found it already.

"But?"

I ask, with the same broken voice again.

"But," Izzie swallows, "because of the scar tissue.. you won't be able to have any more children.."

Wham.

I swallow and a tear rolls over my face.

"I'm so sorry, Mer.." Izzie says.

I nod.

I look at Derek, who's crying softly too.

"I'm going to leave you guys now.." Izzie says quietly and leaves the room.

Derek gets out of his chair and lies down next to me.

He takes me in his arms, and together we quietly cry for a while.

**I'm sorry I let Mer not have anymore children. I wanted her to have another baby with Derek so bad, just like you guys over there, I guess. But, I already have something in mind for the future.. Other things.. happy things!** **I really tried to write some more.. But I can't for today. I'm tired, and I just want to update right now.. So, thanks for reading, and please, please, review! It means the world to me! **


	22. What about another game

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. **

A/N: I'm glad you guys feel sad for Mer, because I do to. But, like I said, things change. Eventually. Read, enjoy, and don't forget to review!

Chapter 22: What about another game

_Song by Evanescence – Call me when you're Sober _which is playing on the background in the bar

It was like a week since I was discharged out of the hospital.

Here I was, drunk, again.

I'm not in Joe's, there are too many people who know me and feel sorry for me.

I'm in a cosy, little, dark bar a few streets from SGH.

I grab the tiny little glass in front of me, which was just filled with another shot of tequila.

Tequila.

Tequila is.. stunning. Soothing.

Very sedative.

I place the glass in front of me, empty again.

Life sucks, it once proofed itself.

Rachel could go home tomorrow.

I didn't feel a thing with that thought.

I'm a bad mother..

I take another shot of tequila.

Or maybe it's just the tequila that's making me feel empty.

Life sucks.

The one moment, you're intensely happy.

The next, something extremely bad happens.

And then you're at the bottom of that big mountain called 'Life' again, you were trying to climb on.

I haven't been to the hospital since I was discharged.

Like I said, I'm a bad mother.

I just lived day in, day out.

At night I'd go to a bar, got drunk, went home, and fell asleep.

Over the day I mostly sleep, and when I woke up, I ignored Derek and behaved like a human without soul.

I guess Derek had a hard time too, me ignoring him, while he tried to get me talking.

But I didn't, I didn't talk to anyone, except the bartender.

Derek took care of Sarah, and tried to spend as much time with Rachel.

When I looked up with a emotionless glance, the bartender smiled at me and gave me a smile.

"I see you're having a bad week. This one's on the house," he says and pours me another shot.

"Thanks," I sigh and nod at him.

_The background music switches.  
Song by Panic! At the disco – There's a good reason these tables are numbered honey you just haven't thought of it yet_

A person comes sitting beside me but I don't look up.

Like I said, I'm living like a zombie, I'm not talking to anyone.

I just stare straight ahead and drink my tequila.

"Mer.. You can't keep on doing this.."

I look beside me. It's Derek.

There's a silence for a few minutes.

"Let's go walk somewhere, Mer," he says.

"I can't," I say.

I wasn't planning of saying something.

"I'm drunk."

My voice cracks.

"Let's just get out of here.. I'll even help you," Derek whispers.

I place some money on the counter, and try to get of my chair as flawless as possible.

I stagger a bit, and Derek holds me.

Outside I breathe in deeply, and fresh, cold air fills my longs.

After five minutes of walking in silence, we sit down on a bench, with a view on late-night ferryboats.

"Mer.. I don't know what to do anymore.."

I nod.

"I'm trying, I am, but I don't know what to do anymore.. I can understand you're in so much pain, and maybe anger, I don't really know.. But talk to me, Mer.. I want to help you.."

I nod again.

"Talk to me.."

I nod, and a warm tear drops on my hand.

A shiver crawls on my back.

"I'm trying to survive, Derek.."

He nods, and takes my hand.

"Drinking and ignoring isn't the right way to get over this, to survive.."

"I know.. But I can't handle this..!"

I start crying, and Derek holds me.

He rocks me, and my crying slowly passes away.

I pull back and look Derek in the eye.

"I guess.. I've never wanted much kids.. Then why is this so damn hard on me, Derek? What is going on with me?"

Derek kissed my forehead, and I put my head on his chest.

And just like that, I sob for a while.

"We can get trough to this, Mer.. As long as we stick together," Derek whispers.

The next morning, I get up at 6:30 AM, try to get my old rhythm back.

I take a quick shower and put on my favourite clothes.

Anything to feel back normal, right?

When I'm downstairs, George is making some breakfast.

"Hey George," I say when I sit down on a chair.

Izzie was at work, I guess, and Sarah and Derek were still sleeping.

"You okay?" George asks and gets some milk from the fridge.

I nod, and smile.

"Yeah, I guess. At least, I'm trying again.."

George nods approving.

"Want some breakfast?"

_gogogogogogogogogogogo_

A few hours of playing video games with George later, Sarah and Derek came downstairs.

"Hey honey," Derek said and kissed me.

I signed Sarah to come over to me, and I gave her a hug.

"So," I said.

"Mummy's have been a little sad for a while, but she's a little better now.."

Sarah nodded and Derek smiled.

"So.. You excited of having your sister at home, finally?" I said with a grin.

Now I was sober, and a bit better, I finally was excited myself to have Rachel at home.

"Yeah!" Sarah cheered and hugged me.

"When are we going to pick her up?"

I looked at Derek and he nodded.

"Well.. First you've to eat something.. Then you'll have to take a shower and get rid of those pyjamas.. And then we'll see, okay?" I replied and stroked Sarah's hair.

"Okay," Sarah said and kissed me on my cheek.

"Daddy, you make us some breakfast?"

Sarah asked and jumped off my lap, running off to the kitchen.

"Guess I will, huh?" Derek laughed and walked out of the living room.

I looked at George and grinned.

"What about another game?"

**So, the beginning was a bit dramatic, I know. But, when Mer's having a bad time, she gets drunk and emotionless. Poor Derek. But, everything's back to fluffy now! I personally can see the whole videogame thing with George going on.. What do you guys think? Let me now and review! You make me happy! Thanks for reading ..**


	23. Duty calls

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Damn it. **

**A/N: I'm kind of stuck. Let's see from here. Thanks for reviewing, all! I like to see over 100 before I'm done.. ;-) Read, enjoy, review!**

Chapter 23: Duty calls

How happy I'm about having Rachel home.. sleepless nights are killing me!

I'm walking for half an hour with Rachel in the living room now, try to rock her a bit.

The walking and rocking thing did miracles for Sarah.. but with Rachel it isn't helping much..

"I'm so tired honey.. Why aren't you?" I ask to Rachel who has been crying all night long.

It's 3:25 AM now, and Derek and I both have to work tomorrow.

My first day after labour, great. Now I'm as tired as a dog..

I already fed her, changed her diapers, let her burp.. There's really nothing to cry about!

"I can't wait to let you talk, little one," I say to Rachel and laugh by myself.

I walk to the kitchen and pour myself one glass of wine.

It's not that I'm a alcoholic, or something. It's only one glass!

I hold Rachel in my left arm and pick up my glass with my right hand.

I walk to the living room again, and sit down in the rocking chair.

I place my glass on the table in front of my and grab the remote.

Let's just zap a bit.

News: boring. Sales: boring. News again. The exorcist. Let's not watch that.

Ah, perfect! Replays of Everwood. Finn and I loved to watch that show.

I exchange the remote for the wine again and lay Rachel down on my lap, holding her with my left hand.

Slowly Rachel stops crying, while I'm watching Everwood and sipping from the wine.

Tired..

_gogogogogogogogogogo_

"Honey.. Wake up," Derek whispers in my ear.

I jump a little and feel some pain in my back.

"Ouch.. Muscular pain.." I moan.

Derek smiles.

"Well.. That's what you get when you fall asleep in a rocking chair," he says.

"Very funny.."

I turn the T.V. off and pass a sleeping Rachel on to Derek.

"She didn't stop crying, until about 3:45 AM.. She'd stop crying while watching a replay of Everwood.. Strange, huh?" I asked Derek.

Derek smiles.

"Yeah.."

I grab the almost-empty glass of wine and walk to the kitchen.

"What's the time?"

"In an hour we have to be at the hospital.."

"Great.."

I take Rachel over from Derek again and give him a kiss.

"I'm going to bring her to her crib.. And then I'm going to take a shower.."

"I'll make us some breakfast and coffee.."

I smile.

"Thank you.. You're sweet!" I whisper and walk out of the kitchen.

_gogogogogogogogogo_

"Good day, so far?" I ask Derek, after giving him a kiss when he comes sits with Izzie, Cristina and me at lunch break.

"Two surgeries scheduled and one performed this morning.. You?" Derek replies with a smile.

"One surgery scheduled for this afternoon, but that's fine for me," I say.

A pager goes off, and we all look who's it is.

"Mine," Cristina says and runs out of the cafeteria.

"So, I'm off at 3, should I pick up Sarah from school, and Rachel from day care?" Izzie asks.

"Yes, please," Derek and I reply at the same time and Izzie laughs.

"Allrightie then."

Again a pager goes off. Mine. 911.

"Damn it.. I'm hungry! And tired!" I grumble.

But, duty calls. So I stand up and give Derek a kiss.

"Love you!" I say as I begin to run.

"Love you too," I can hear Derek reply before I'm out of the cafeteria and I smile.

_gogogogogogogo_

I open the door of the on-call room, and search for an empty bed.

"Thank God," I whisper when I see only one bed is taken.

I drop myself on one of the empty beds, and sigh.

"Mer?"

I was too tired to see, who was on the other bed.

"Derek?"

"Tired, huh?"

"Yeah.." I reply, sighing again.

"Okay. My last surgery lasts until 9 PM.. When you're off?"

"I have to be on call 'til 6:30.. See you at home then?"

"Yeah.."

"Love you.."

"Love you too.."

And I guess I could rest for like 20 minutes, before that damn pager did go off again.

_gogogogogogogogo_

8:50 PM

"I brought coffee," Derek says when he comes in to the room.

I'm in the rocking chair again, with Rachel in my arms.

"Is she asleep?"

"No," I answer. "Getting to, that is."

"Good," Derek says and gives me a kiss.

"How did your surgery go?"

"The woman died," he replies sitting down.

"Oh.. I'm sorry, honey.."

"Thanks.. Sarah's still awake?"

"I don't know.."

"Okay, I'm going to check on her, and then take a shower.."

I nod.

"I'm going to put Rachel in her crib and then I'll be in my bed," I say yawning.

"I'll be joining you in a few minutes," Derek replies and together we walk on the stairs.

**More fluffiness! So, this was a chapter to show you how exhausting parenthood and a fulltime job is.. Next chapter thanksgiving! Yayness.. I love thanksgiving, I'm very sad we don't do thanksgiving in the Netherlands.. Thanks for reading, and please review!**


	24. All romantic

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Duh. I would't write fanfics if I did! **

**A/N: I don't have to put a Q/A in it this time.. Nice. Chapter 24.. I have a thing for the number 24, so, it has to be a special chap. And like I said last chapter.. Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving, but here where I live we don't celebrate it.. Very sad. **

Updates aren't going to be that fast anymore.. School started today for me, so I'll have to do homework again! I'll certainly do hope to update every week ;-)

Chapter 24: All romantic

"So.. How you want to celebrate?" Derek whispers as we put Rachel to sleep.

"Celebrate what?"

"Thanksgiving.."

Right! Totally forgot about that.. Time's been flying, past weeks..

"Thanksgiving.. Right! How many days?"

Hopefully, a little I look at Derek as we walk out of the room.

I close the door behind me and Derek places a arm around me.

"Six days.." He says, looking at me with his fun-eyes.

Damn, he's just waiting for me to get shocked. I am NOT going to get shocked.

"WHAT!"

Oeh. I have to get my voice down.

I wait a few seconds for Rachel to cry, but surprisingly she doesn't make a sound.

"Six days!" I whisper to Derek, while walking of the stairs.

He nods and smiles.

"We've been a little busy, lately, huh?"

I nod. He was right.

It was get up, bring Sarah to school, bring Rachel to day care, go to work, work, get home, spend some time with the kids, eat, bring kids to bed, and then try to fall as quick as you can to sleep to, before Rachel wakes up again.

"What are we going to do? Do you want to invite anyone?"

(**A/N: Okay. I am so NOT inviting Derek's sisters. It's too cliché. Every fic contents Derek's sisters at Thanksgiving. Not that that fanfics aren't good, 'cause I love 'em.**)

"Do you?"

"Well.. Izzie's going to her mother.. George has to do his thing with his father and brothers.. Cristina and Burke are going 'all romantic' on a trip to the mountains.."

"We can do 'all romantic' too, you know," Derek says and smiles.

I look at him and smile too.

"We have two daughters.."

Wow. That sounds.. extremely fulfilling.

"..We can't do 'all romantic'."

I lean forward to him and kiss him softly.

He kisses me back, and I forget all the doubts, pain, and tiredness for a second.

"Hold on," I say after I pull back.

I lay my hand on his chest and smile.

"We still haven't decided yet."

"True."

"Don't you want see invite anybody.. See your family again?"

Derek looks at me and smiles.

"What?" I ask and grin.

"Nothing.."

"Don't be so vague. What is it?"

"Nothing.. I was just thinking.."

I nod. Come on already, do I have to pull everything out of him?

"You're sweet. And caring."

I smile and give him a quick kiss.

"So are you. But answer me already, maybe then we can make out some more, before we fall asleep... Again."

I chuckle.

Derek laughs.  
"Okay. You got my attention. I was thinking.. Maybe we can go to New York at Christmas.. To visit my family.. Because we have this family thing at Christmas. Everybody, meaning every body, of my family comes to New York, where we go to a very big house. All of my four sisters, with my four brothers in law.. And the kids.. Then my parents are there. The men go fly fishing, and the woman go shopping.."

(**A/N: Damn. Now I did put the sisters in! What a fool am I.. Well. It's going to be nice. Mer will have to meet them anyway!**)

"Oeh, shopping," I say and laugh.

"Yeah, I thought you would like that part.. But, I'll go on. The kids hang out together, play a bit, I have about two nephews and one niece of Sarah's age, she'll like them, they're nice. Then, at Christmas Eve, we throw a big dinner. No presents, that'll be too much. Presents you do in a smaller group.. What do you think?"

"What do I think.. I think it's a great plan, Derek. I'd love to meet your family.."

Okay. I'm nervous already, but I do love to meet his family.

Derek smiles. I love it when he smiles. It melts my heart.

"But.."

"But?" Derek sounds disappointed.

"Now we still don't know what to do with Thanksgiving. And I still don't get to kiss you," I say and bite my lip a bit.

"Irresistible. That's what you are," he says laughing.

"But, about Thanksgiving. Why won't we relax a bit.. We've got the time off.. The girls are too, everybody's away.. Just the four of us.. Spending some family time, together."

"That sounds absolutely perfect, Derek.."

I lean forward.

"I love you," he whispers.

"Love you too," I reply and kiss him.

_gogogogogogogogo_

_Five days later_

"So.. What do you girls want to do?" Derek asks, making breakfast for us all.

It was Saturday, and tomorrow's Thanksgiving.

Derek and I both took today off, so we could have a whole free weekend.

"Mummy?"

"Yes?"

I smile at Sarah, who's gazing at me.

"Do we have a zoo here, in Seattle?"

I didn't see that one coming. Finn and Sarah loved to go to the zoo in Detroit. Sarah goes crazy when she sees an animal.

(**Oh my God. I totally forgot Roger! Shame on myself.**)

"There is one, yeah.. You want to go?" I ask her, carefully.

"Yes please, I'd love too!"

I nod, and smile at Derek.

"Then the zoo it is.."

"Can Roger come with?" Sarah begs.

"Sorry honey, he can't. The zoo wouldn't allow that."

Sarah shrugs her shoulders.

"Too bad. Can we go to the park tomorrow, walking him and then have a picnic?"

I look at Derek.

"Sure we can," he smiles and nods at me.

The rest of the day was unforgettable.

Sarah ran from left to right and right to left.

It was almost if she couldn't stop.

Derek and I watched her closely, and Derek often went after her, to help her and laugh with her. It was very nice to see them hang out together.

I wasn't that much of a big type of animal person, so I just watched Rachel a lot, who was quiet, like the zoo was calming her. Strange.

**Yeah, well, have to put a little bit of Finn in those girls, huh? What do you guys think of the chapter? Help me out here, and review! Thanks for reading!**


	25. Thoughts and memories

**Disclaimer: I, do not own Grey's Anatomy in any way. **

A/N: Oh boy. Whoops. Didn't know Thanksgiving was on a Thursday! Well.. Imagine Derek and Mer took the whole week off then.. Guess they don't teach you stuff like this in English class..

Just a little thank you to all of my readers, of course, for reviewing, I'm over 100 now, jay! And a special thank you to Marijt, who gives me some extra inspiration sometimes.

But, here it is, chapter 25. It took a while, because I didn't have much inspiration, but, it's weekend, I told myself, and in weekends, I update! So, enjoy, read and review please!

Oh. Right. This one's really important to read. A shocker. Muhaha.  
This time's the POV's Addison!

Chapter 25: Thoughts and memories

I used to love Christmas in New York.

Now, I'm not sure. Christmas reminds me of Derek, and the family trip we'd go on.

After I left Derek, I got back together with Mark.

But after a while, I left him too. I loved Derek, I always have, and Mark just was a replacement, and honestly, not the right one..

Mark and I are still friends, though, and even after all those years, I miss Derek.

I know it was the right thing to do, to leave him.

It was the right decision for me, and for Sarah, or whatsername..

Yeah, I knew Derek betrayed me on prom night, and the child from Meredith Grey was his.

After that day I heard Meredith confess that to Cristina, her best friend, it all became very clear.

Anyway, after Mark, I dated some men, but nothing really worked out.

I so cannot understand Cupid's way of working..

I do not "hate" him or anything, but I guess I just don't like the guy.

Anyhow, after I left Derek I moved back to New York City.

I'm renting an apartment, got my old job back, and worked my but off.

I've no idea how things worked out in Seattle, the last things I know is that Meredith chose the vet, and moved to Detroit with him.

I didn't told Derek about the tiny Sarah-is-your-daughter fact, but hey, I'm not the one who screwed my wife.

(**A/N: Okay. Don't go there. You know what I mean.**)

So, here I am, drowning in thoughts and memories, sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for Savvy to come.

At least, I thought. But that changed, when I saw Meredith Grey walk in the shop.

Walking between Lea, Emma, Kasey and Alice.

Derek's sisters.

I could so remember walking between them myself, lots of years in the past.

I guess, Meredith took my place.

I'm not sure if that thought is painful, the only thing I can think about is them, walking towards me, probably searching for a place in the back.

I look away, and take a sip from my coffee.

"Addison?"

Kasey, the one I liked the most, probably saw me.

I look up and smile.

Oh no. They're all staring now. Isn't this awkward, and humiliating..

"Kasey.. Emma, Lea, Alice.. Meredith," I say greeting, still smiling.

"Addison, hi," Meredith replies, also feeling a bit awkward, I think.

A baby starts sobbing, and I notice the buggy Meredith was pushing.

"I'll take her," Emma says to Meredith who looks a bit helpless, and Emma walks trough with the baby, followed by Lea and Alice.

I see Alice is pregnant, again, and look back to Kasey and Meredith.

"How are you?" I ask, trying to be nice.

"Things are working out, I guess," Meredith replies and Kasey nods with a smile.

"Same there?" Kasey asks.

I nod.

"Yeah, I guess they are.."

The baby starts crying louder and Meredith looks at Emma.

"Uhm.. I guess I've to go. It was nice seeing you, Addison," Meredith says and walks over to Emma, Lea and Alice.

"Bye," I say, half to her and half to Kasey.

"Merry Christmas, Addie," Kasey says with a smile and leaves.

I finish my coffee and Savvy arrives.

We leave, and as I walk out of the door, I hear Meredith laugh with Lea, Emma, Alice and Kasey, just like I did once.

_gogogogogogogogogogogo_

**A/N: Okay. I really need to change the POV now. **

POV switches to Derek. 

_gogogogogogogogogogogogo_

"Good night, sweetie," I hear Mer say to Sarah, as I walk into the bedroom.

"Daddy! Did you come to give me a goodnight kiss?" Sarah cheered when she sees me.

"Yes, I did," I say and smile.

I walk over to her, give her a kiss and cuddle her.

"Sleep well," I say, and I walk out of the room, with Mer besides me, holding Rachel.

"Let's get her to sleep too," I say, and she nods.

Twenty minutes later we crash down on our bed, next to the room where Sarah sleeps over.

"Did you have fun today?" Meredith asks, crawling into me.

"I did.. Looks like Sarah had lots of fun today, being around her cousins.. Did you have fun?"

Meredith nods, and I put my arm around her waist.

"I did. Shopping was fun, you're sisters are all very nice. Rachel and I had a terrific day.."

"I'm glad.."

"You'll never guess who I ran into today.."

"Who?" I ask, interested.

"Addison.."

"Really?"

"Yeah.. It was a bit awkward, she was at some coffee shop, waiting for a friend of hers.."

"Hmm.. How is she? Or you didn't spoke to her?"

"Yeah, I did.. Or well, Kasey did.. She was fine, I guess.. Like I said, it was kind of awkward.."

I nod, and smile.

"What're you smiling for?" Meredith asks.

"Nothing. It's nothing.. Kasey and Addison connected really well, back then.. That's all.."

"Okay.."

There was a silence for a while, and I gave Mer a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm glad we came Derek. I love your family."

"And I'm sure they love you too," I say smiling, and a few minutes later we were both fast asleep.

**Okay, that's it for today. I've a bunch of ideas now, I'm sure I'll work one out. Like I said, could be a week, I'm overloaded with homework. Thanks for reading, and please review!**


	26. Next in line

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. **

A/N: No Emmy's! Cries How in the world.. Funny how Patrick D. stepped on a woman's dress.. But, back to the fanfic. Thank you for the ones who already reviewed, and I finished my homework early so I could write a bit. Like I said, I've got plenty ideas! ;-)

Q/A: More about the family plz!  
I will! I do! I can! I should! Or whatever. This chapter I will introduce you to the family, from Sarah's POV.

Chapter 26: The next in line

I love being here with Christmas, was the first thing I thought getting up this morning.

Yesterday, I played a lot with my nieces and a few of my nephews. Most of them are a bit older, a few are from my age, and I have 2 nieces who are younger then me.

I figured that I have 13 nieces, and 7 nephews.

My two younger nieces are called Diana and Lauren, they're two and four years old.

Then I have two nephews, and three nieces from my age.

We have Sam, who is five, and Brian, who is six, just like me.

The three nieces are Jenny and Jayla, who are twins, and they're six too. Heather is the one who is seven years old.

The next in line is Harry, he just turned eight years old, together with his twin brother Freddy. Then we have Cassidy, she's eight years old too. I think she's the most beautiful, she looks so much like her mom Kasey!

Then we have Harriet, who is nine years old too, and also Tina, Amanda and Damian are.

No one's ten years old, what I think is quite funny.

Hannah and her twin brother Daniel are eleven.

Jasmine, Ariel and Tom are twelve, and the oldest, Carmen, is thirteen!

I also have lots of aunties and uncles, and I already know their names too!

Mummy thinks I'm brilliant.

Lea, the oldest sister of Daddy, is married to Greg. Their children are Amanda, Harry and Freddy, Heather and Sam.

Then we have Aunty Emmy, or Emma, how Mummy's calling her.. She married to Henry, he's hilarious. There kids are Carmen, Hannah and Daniel, Tina, Brian and Lauren. I almost couldn't believe that!

Then, there is Kasey, who's just one year older then Daddy! Her husband died, a few years ago, just like my former Daddy.. Anyway, his name was Nathaniel, or Uncle Nathan.. Kasey's children are Jasmine, Tom, Damian, Cassidy and Diana. Jasmine and Cassidy look so much like each other, it's almost scary!

The next in line is Daddy, haha, who's not married to Mummy, YET, and I'm Sarah, of course, with my sister Rachel! We fit in so perfect, don't you think?

The youngest Aunty I have, is Alice. Mummy seems to like her the most. Did I mention she's pregnant? Well.. She is, and her baby's coming in two months! She already named it Ryan, so it's probably a boy. Her husbands name is Jesse, and they're the parents of Ariel, Harriet, Jenny and Jayla, and Ryan!

That's quite a family, huh?

"Sarah, hurry up in there! We ALL have to SHARE this bathroom! Meaning you, me, Jayla, Sam, Heather and Brian! You've been there for 15 minutes already!"

That's Jenna, or Jenny, how I call her, shouting from the other side of the door.

"Yeah yeah, almost done!" I yell back.

Jenny's my best friend, my other best friend is Sam. Yesterday we hung out together.. It was so much fun.

I quickly brush my hair and teeth and come out of the bathroom, where Jenny, Jayla and Heather have been waiting.

"Sorry," I mumble with a pathetic smile and run downstairs.

That's were I see Daddy and Sam, talking about nothing.

"Daddy! Sam! What're we having for breakfast?" I say as I give Daddy a hugs.

"Pancakes!" Sam replies with a grin on his face, which I love, by the way.

"Yummy! Oh Daddy, I love it here.."

Daddy smiles and nods.

"I bet you do," he replies.

"Where's Mummy?"

"Aunty Mer's in the kitchen.."

Sam replies before Daddy could answer.

"No way?" I say and look at Daddy, who nods.

"No way! Mummy.. In the KITCHEN!" I ask, still stunned.

"You heard Sam.."

"But.. What's she doing in there?" I ask, little ironic.

"She's helping your Aunties, making pancakes.."

"She's making breakfast?" I ask, not sure if they're kidding.

"Yep."

"But Mummy can't cook.. Or bake.. Or toast.."

Daddy grins.

"Like I said.. She _helping _making breakfast," he says and I laugh.

Ten minutes later Jenny comes downstairs and together with Sam we go play outside, until the pancakes are ready.

I couldn't believe my senses when I saw, smell and ate the pancakes.

They were D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!

Why I couldn't believe my senses?

Well.. Mummy _was_ in that kitchen, you know..

Later that morning, we could choose our activities for the day.

Or, we could go to the zoo with Aunt Lea, Aunt Emma, Uncle Greg and Uncle Henry, Grandpa and Uncle Jesse.

Or, we could stay at home and watch a movie with Mummy, Daddy, Aunty Kasey, Aunty Alice and Grandma.

I so totally chose the zoo. Duh.

Together with Sam, Jenny, Brian, Harry and Freddy, Tina, Amanda, Hannah and Daniel, Damian and the parenthood we left at 2PM.

Damn. I love animals.

**Quite short. Sorry. So, now you know Derek's family! Damn.. It's big. Next chapter finally a Meredith-one again, about how she experiences all the new faces, spending some time with Derek, and his sisters, during the movie. But that won't be before Saturday/Sunday, so, have a nice week y'all! Make my week rock, send me a review! Thanks for reading..**


	27. The sacred fireplace

**Disclaimer: I wouldn't be writing this if I owned Grey's Anatomy. I would be locked up in an elevator with Patrick D.. Lol! No, seriously, not owning GA! ;-)**

**A/N: It's Friday, the past schoolweek was boring.. It's been crazy though, six subjects homework every single day! And not little either.. But, I'm rambling, and complaining, I hate that.. So! Another chapter.. I seriously addicted to writing, hehe... You know, I saw a fashion show for wedding clothes the other day, and there was a VERY cute 'couple', the man in a h-h-hot smoking, the woman in a very beautiful white/pink dress, with some lace, it was so pretty! And then.. The sweetest little girl you can imagine, about Sarah's age, in a very tiny pink dress! They reminded me so much of Mer, Der and Sarah! Then, I wanted to get Mer and Der married, so bad.. But, I don't want this story to be cliché, so I am NOT going to let Derek purpose on Christmas.. Really, I don't.. ;-) But I'm not saying he won't, ever, I mean.. Okay, enough A/N now, just enjoy, read and review! **

Q/A:  
Sarah's nieces and nephews would be cousins! And should be saying damn?  
Seriously? Whoops! I looked in my sweetest dictionary, and you're right. Once again, haha. So, if I'm getting this right, the children of your uncle or aunt, are your cousins, and the children of your brother or sister are your nieces and nephews..? Okay, I'll keep that in mind..  
About the damn-thing.. You're right about that too! But, Sarah is Sarah, and she grew up around Meredith, which, you know, says now and then damn.. So, Sarah copied! Of course, Mer won't let her, but she does anyway! ;-)

Grey's Anatomy did when an Emmy: Best Casting for A Drama.  
They did! I went to the official Emmy's-website, searched the whole damn thing of, and there it was! I'm so happy, although a little sad they didn't win any more.. Who the heck chooses '24' over Grey's! Well.. not me!

Chapter 27:

"You want some coffee, Mer?" Kasey asks me.

"Yes, that would be nice," I reply, smiling at her.

She walks off to the kitchen, and Alice and I watch Derek and his mother sit watching the movie with the kids.

He looked very cute, with Jayla lying against him, Rachel on top of his lap, Lauren on his other side and Tom at his feet.

I smiled, and Alice grinned at me.

"What?" I ask, a little embarrassed.

"Nothing, I just was watching how you were melting, watching my brother with the kids.."

"Well.. I.."

I couldn't make something up, she was actually, you know, right.

"You caught me."

Alice laughed.  
"No harm. I think it's cute.."

"What is cute?" Kasey asks, walking in the room and she placed a cup coffee in front of me.

"Thanks."

"I think it's cute how Mer is melting by the sight of our brother sitting with the kids.." Alice replied teasing.

Kasey grins and sits down on the chair next to me.

"So, now, we can actually chat a bit, for the first time," Alice sighed.

"Yeah, every year it's very enjoyable, but also very busy and you actually don't have a lot of moments of peace, where you can talk about anything with each other," Kasey completed.  
**  
**I nod, and take a sip of my coffee.

So, 2 hours later they knew about my life, about my mom, why I decided to go to med-school, I told a bit more about Christina, Izzie, George and even about Alex and Miranda. I also told about Finn, and a lot about Sarah's personality.

I knew more about Kasey, and what happened to Nathaniel. He was a pilot, and everybody loved him. He sounded a bit like Finn, what made me a little bit sad.

Although I'm happy now, and I love Derek, and the kids, and I know it has to be this way, I miss Finn, who he was and what he meant to me.

But, he left me a gift, something that will always remind me of him, and what will become the same great person as he was, my sweet Rachel.

Rachel is the youngest of the house now, besides Ryan, but he doesn't count because he isn't born yet.

Ryan gets me to Alice, who told me more about Jesse, her beautiful children and her life.

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!"

One of kids yells, and they all run outside.

Yeah, I don't know all their names yet. So, sue me.

Sarah does, she's a little genius.

But, that's what'll you probably get when you have two neurosurgeons as parents.

Derek and his mother come out of the living room, and smile at us.

"I'm going to lay down, for a while," Diane, his mother, says.

I smile at her, and the rest nods.

"I'm going with you, mum," Alice says, and walks over to her.

That reminds me of me, when I was pregnant. Constant tiredness.

Derek walks over to me, as Diane and Alice walk out of the room.

He wraps his arms around me and looks at Kasey.

"I.. uhm.. am going to watch the kids," she mumbles and leaves the room.

"Finally some us-time," Derek says, lifting me up, carrying me to the couch.

"Where did you put Rachel?" I ask, resisting the need to kiss him.

"In the box," he whispers, and we sit down on the couch.

I crawl into him, and he holds me tight.

"Finally some us-time," I confirm.

We just cuddle and kiss for like 30 minutes when wet, tired and hungry children come in again.

"I'm cold!"

"When are we going to eat dinner?"

"I want to take a shower!"

"What are we going to eat!"

"Where's daddy?"

"Are they back yet?"

Derek and I sit up a bit straighter as Kasey walks in to the room.

"OKAY EVERYBODY!"

All of the children directly look at her.

"We're eating pizza tonight, and I'm going to order that about 15 minutes. Now, you all go take a shower, we have multiple showers, so go get what you can get! Then, I'll make some fire in the fireplace, and there's hot cocoa. When we all get there, the rest will be home also. Am I clear?"

"Yes!"

"Allrightie then, let's get going!"

All the children run upstairs to shower, and it's back to Kasey, Derek and me again.

"You handled that pretty well," I say, a little stunned.

"Yeah, you'll get used to it.."

"Why won't you grab a shower too, and wake mum and Alice? Then we'll take care of the pizza, the fire and the cocoa.." Derek suggests.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Derek replied and I nod.

"Thank God," Kasey says with a smile and walks out of the room.

45 minutes later, we all sit in a soft buzz, in front of the fireplace.

It looks like it's a sacred meeting, so quiet and peaceful it was.

Maybe it was, the zoo-group was back again, and we were complete.

Everyone felt quite satisfied, and we all knew, we always could depend on each other.

**That was it for today! I think I'll have some more up tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.. What do you guys think? Let me know, send me a review! Thanks for reading!**

**  
**


	28. I'll be there

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy! Just Sarah and Rachel ;-)  
**

**A/N: Only positive comments! JAY! So, no question/answer this time. A important thing, at first! Please, ALL READ THIS, I've started a new fanfic, Angel of mine, and I really, really appreciate it when you'll read it and review. I'll be thankful forever. And it'll help to improve this story too. About this, I love this fanfic so much, it's like my little baby, ghehe, so I'm not sure if I'll ever quit. I have many ideas, so it'll continue for a while! Enough author's note for now, just enjoy, read and review please! **

Chapter 28: I'll be there

"Mer.. Wake up," Derek whispers in my ear.

"Nooo," I grumble.

"Yes," he says and I hear he's smiling.

I look up, and see him lying next to me, with his laptop on his lap and glasses on.

"After all this time.." I start.

Derek looks confused, and then a little bit embarrassed.

".. I didn't know you had glasses.." I finished my sentence, smiling.

Then he laughs.

"Only occasionally! And for that matter.. I'm aging too, you know.."

I grin.

"I know.."

He gives me a offended look and takes off his glasses and put it together with the laptop down.

"What do you mean by that?" He says, crawling on to me.

"Nothing, nothing!"

I reply smiling, and pull him over for a kiss.

"Are you, doctor Meredith Grey, saying that I, Derek Shepherd, am getting _old_!"

I start kissing him on his forehead, heading downwards on his face, smiling.

"You, Derek Shepherd, are in _no_ way getting old," I reply smiling.

_30 minutes later_

"But, I have to say, that are some pretty damn nice glasses," I say, grinning.

I put my arm on his chest and cuddle a little closer to him.

Derek smiles and kisses me on my hair.

"I rather don't want to leave, yet," I say, sighing.

"You like my family?" Derek asks, stroking my hair.

"Yes! I love them..! This had been the best Christmas, ever.."

"It was," Derek says happy.

"But, our plane is leaving in," he looks at his watch, "Six hours."

"Hmm," I mumble.

Then Derek's cell phone went beeping.

He grabs it from the nightstand, and answers it.

"This is Derek Shepherd."

I vaguely hear the other person talk on the phone.

_"Derek.. It's me, Addison.." _

"What's the matter?"

_"I know, it's a little weird to call you, I mean, it has been about 5 years," _

"Yes.."

_"But, I saw Meredith with your sisters the other day," _

"So I've heard.."

_"So I figured you were in New York.." _

"Yes,"

"_Anyway, I have this patient, and the baby needs operation as soon as it's born. Neuro. I need the best, Derek.." _

"Addison.. I'm actually kind of leaving today.." Derek says as he looks at me.

I shake my head.

"Go," I say without sound.

"..But I' guess I'll figure something out."

I nod, and get up from the bed, putting some clothes on.

_"Thank you Derek. Could you be in tomorrow at 10? The surgery is planned for 1:30.."  
_

"I'll be there. Bye." I hear he puts the phone away and gets up.

"Mer.."

"You should go, you know.."

"I know.."

There is a silence for a while and I walk towards the door to take a shower.

"You can stay here too, right? I mean, that's what you wanted?"

I turn around.

"No, Derek, I can't." I breathe in. "Sarah has to go to school. I'll have to go to work. I'm leaving, _this_ afternoon," I say as I walk out of the door.

Ten minutes later I step back in the room again, covered in a towel and with wet hair.

Derek's all dressed, and is packing in some clothes.

"You okay?" He asks, when he notices me.

"Yeah. I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"I'll be back as soon as possible," he says and walks over to me.

"I love you, Mer, and I'll always doing that," he whispers and gives me a kiss on my nose.

I smile, and kiss him back.

"I should get some clothes on," I say when I pull away.

_That afternoon, 3:20 PM. _

With Rachel tied to me, in a holder, and Sarah in my left hand, and a large suitcase in my left, I'm standing at the airport.

"Thank you so much, for having us. I had a wonderful time," I said to Derek's parent and smile at Alice, Kasey and Derek.

I said my goodbyes to the rest about an hour ago, at the house.

"We'll keep in touch, right?" Alice asks and I nod.

"We will," I reply and I feel happy inside. It's like a met a new best friend, and maybe I have.

"I'll have to run now, my plane's leaving in 30 minutes," I say and walk over to Derek and give him a kiss.

"Have a save flight, sweetie," he says and stoops down Sarah.

"I'll be coming home the day after tomorrow, okay honey?"

Sarah gives him a hug.

"Yes daddy! Say goodbye to Jenny and Sam for me, one last time, okay?"

"Okay," Derek says and smiles.

"Bye," I say and walk to the air gate, and wave to them one last time, as I get in.

**So, short chapter, I'm sorry! But I wanted you guys to know how the goodbye went, and why Derek had to stay behind. You didn't actually think I put the Addison-chapter in for nothing, hey? So, next chapter Derek's POV and how he and Addison meet again! Thanks for reading and please review! **

And please check out my new fanfiction, Angel of Mine!


	29. Call me tomorrow

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own Grey's Anatomy. I wish I did though. Must be pretty awesome. **

**A/N: Once again, no Q/A! I'm happy. Thank you all who read my other fanfiction as well, I'm working on that one too. So, here it is, chapter 29! Derek's POV, of course. **

Chapter 29: Call me tomorrow

"Hey Roger, hey buddy," I say as I walk back in to the house again.

I pat my dog on the back, and take of my coat.

It's strange. Not because Lea, Alice, and Emma and their family left too, but Mer, Sarah and Rachel aren't here.

It's quiet, like.. I can't feel their presence. Oh God, I miss them already.

"Uncle Derek!" Tom and Damian come running towards.

"My two favourite nephews," I say with a smile and hug them.

"Yeah, right," Tom says sarcastic and smiles.

"Can we go outside with Roger?" Damian asks, with a little grin on his face.

"Sure, but stay in the backyard, okay?"

"Yeah!" Tom and Damian run of with Roger and I smile.

I walk trough the living room, where Cassidy and Diana are painting.

Then I walk on to the kitchen, where Kasey is making tea.

"Hey sis," I greet her and she smiles.

"Tea, little brother?"

"Yes, please.. And really. Do you have to keep to rub that in?"

Kasey sticks out her tongue and she smiles.

"Yeah. It sounds fun."

"You always say that," I mumble.

She places a cup in front of me. Hmm, peach, I can smell.

"I haven't seen Jasmine around.."

Kasey nods, and looks a little sad.

"Yeah. You know how close she is with Carmen. The goodbye is always hard on her," she says.

I nod. Carmen and Jasmine were like two hands on one belly.

"She's taking a bath, now.."

"Okay.."

"So.. Meredith seems great," Kasey says and looks at me.

I smile and get a little blush on my face. Exactly what she wanted, little witch.

"Yeah, she is.."

I take a sip of my tea and think of her, feeling some pain that I can't see her for another two days.

"You miss her already!" Kasey notices a little surprised.

"I guess," I say and look her in the eye.

"Derek Shepherd.. What happened to my little brother?"

I smile.

"This is.. pretty serious, huh?"

"Yeah Kase.. I love her.. This is the woman, I share a family with.. I share my heart with.. I share my life with.. And I wouldn't want it otherwise," I say.

"I'm hoping all the best for you," Kasey replies and I nod.

"Thanks, sis."

"So, you know anything about your case?"

I laugh.

"Don't laugh at me! I know I'm not good at medical things. I'm trying to be supportive and interested, here!"

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry. My case, is a drug addicted little baby, who is abandoned by his mother, and the father is unknown. He has a bleeding in his brain, but not very serious, but in a difficult place. It's easy to make permanent damage there."

Kasey nods and smiles.

"I can actually understand that," and we both laugh.

That night I plug in my laptop and check my messages. None.

I feel a little sad and decide to send a message.

**Hey, welcome home sweetie. Did you have a good trip? I miss you. Give the girls a hug from me. Love, Derek. **

I send it away and do some research for the surgery tomorrow. I have done it before, but not on a small baby like that.

The pop of a new message puts me on notice.

**Hey baby, everything is okay here. Rachel slept practically the whole flight, and Sarah talked my ears off about Sam en Jenny. I miss you too, any news about your surgery? **

I smile and sigh. She knows me too well.

**I was just researching, getting ready for tomorrow. It's quiet in here. Glad Rachel didn't give any problems. Tell Sarah that Sam and Jenny are looking forward to her birthday!**

I get up to get some water, and when I come back, another message is there.

**DADDY DID THEY REALLY SAID THAT MUMMYS TRYING TO GET ME OF THE COMPUTER BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I MISS YOU ARE YOU COMING BACK SOON KISSES SARAH**

I laugh, that makes me miss them even more.

**Dear Sarah, Daddy misses you too! Hopefully Daddy's coming back the day after tomorrow. That's only two nights away. Now, be a sweet girl to your mom, okay? **

I press the send-button, and take a sip of my water, and return to the web page I just found.

**OKAY LOVE YOU**

At that moment I just wished I could hold my girl, all of my girls.

**Love you back, sweet dreams! **

I run my fingers trough my hair, waiting until another message pops on my screen.

**I'm going to bring her to bed now. Call me tomorrow? –Mer**

Someone knocks on my door, and I sigh.

"Come in!"

I quickly type my last message.

**Yes! I'll do that. Goodnight, my love. **

I close my programs and turn around.

"Oh, are you being busy?" Kasey asks, a little disappointed in the doorway.

"No, no, I was just finishing. What's up?"

"Nothing important really. I'm going to bed, so I came to say goodnight."

I smile. That's something only Kasey and I did earlier, every night saying goodnight to each other and have a small talk.

"Yeah. You're leaving early, right?"

Kasey nods.

"The kids aren't too pleased with it. The plane leaves at 6 AM, so we'll have to leave at 4:30.."

"Hmm. Should I come with, to help you with some baggage?"

Kasey walks in the room and sits on the edge of my bed.

"Would you do that? I mean.. isn't it too early, with your surgery and all?"

I shake my head.

"No, of course not. I'd love to help you."

"Okay, thanks Derek."

"Now, I'm going to take a shower and go to bed too."

I stand up and Kasey follows.

We walk to the door, and after we passed it, we turn to each other.

The showers are left, and Kasey's bedroom is to the right.

"Good night," I say grinning.

"Good night, Derek."

We give each other a hug and 20 minutes later I'm sleeping.

**I know, little not-really-necessary-chapter. But, I wrote it because it makes clear how Derek cares about Mer and the kids, and the bond between him and his one year older sister Kasey. Next chapter will be Addison's POV. I know the updating isn't fast at this story, or at Angel of Mine! But school is taking all my time, including homework, and it's eating all my energy away. So, I've talked enough. What do you guys think? Send me a review! That gives quite the comfort and energy I'm looking for! Thanks for reading.**


	30. How about that

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. **

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! You make me so happy. Let's start! Oh yeah, I promised it would be Addison's POV. I think it's going to be hard for me, 'cause I'm writing her a lot in 'Angel of mine' too, and there she's just.. very different. Enjoy, read, review!

Chapter 30: How about that..

I look around when I hear Derek whisper my name.

I'm sitting in front my patient, a little baby who's drug-addicted because of his mother, who died this night. I'm holding his tiny hand, hoping to give him some comfort and trust.

"Derek," I say and he walks over.

"Is this him?"

I nod.

"Yes.. He's so vulnerable and tiny.." I say, a little sad.

Derek nods and sits down.

"What's his name?"

"He hasn't got a name," I say and look at him.

"What do you mean?"

"His mother died last night. She was too weak to give birth, so I had to do a caesarean section.. While getting him, she died.. Yesterday, when she had one clear moment, she told me she never wanted him.. She just was so stoned she didn't thought of abortion.. It's practically a wonder he's still alive. At first, she should have a miscarriage during the first months.. And now, he needs his drugs, but we can't give it to him because of the surgery, and he still lives.. How about that?"

I nod.

"So she didn't name him.. And what about the father? There's no way we can track him?"

I look at Derek.

"No.. When I asked her about the father, she just grinned and said she didn't know."

"It would be a real miracle if he survives the surgery.. The risks are so low.."

I nod.

"It would. But I believe in him. And in you. Thanks for doing this, Derek,"

Derek smiles.

"I'm going to everything I do to save him."

_gogogogogogogogogo_

4:00 PM

I walk across the hallway, worried about the surgery.

Derek started at 1:30, and he still wasn't back.

I really wanted this baby to survive, he deserved it to live.

Finally I see Derek, and I walk towards him.

"How'd it go?" I ask.

Derek sighed.

"He's still alive.."

"Thank God," I whisper.

"But the surgery was difficult. I stopped the bleeding, but then I discovered another bleeding.."

"Shit.."

"The drugs simply caused lots of brain damage. I stopped the second bleeding also, but I have no idea how this is going to work out.."

I sigh.

"Damn it.."

We walk towards the locker room.

"I hate we can't do more for him."

Derek nods.

"Yeah, me too. We'll just have to wait. Watch him carefully, have a nurse around him 24/7. The next three days are going to be critical. If he survives, we can do some more research. There's a chance, a small chance, that he's going to live a normal life, grow up, completely healthy."

"God.. I hope so," I reply.

"You should go home and get some sleep Addison.. You look exhausted."

"No, I'm fine," I say.

"You've been here for almost 48 hours. Go home, get some sleep. I'll stay with the baby tonight, and I'm not want to see you there until tomorrow morning."

I slightly nod.

"All right. Page me if something happens, okay?"

"I will."

_gogogogogogogo_

Next morning

When I walk into the room, I see Derek half sleeping, and the baby's fast asleep to.

I quickly check his charts and feel so much lighter when I see his doing perfect.

"Good morning," Derek says sleepily and I give him a cup of coffee.

"Morning," I reply with a smile.

"He's done well, huh?"

Derek nods, and looks at his watch.

"Just another 56 hours."

"I know," I say and sigh.

"I thought of a name," Derek says after a few minutes.

"You did? Tell me," I ask curious.

"Joshua."

**Okay. I have no idea why I just stopped here. I guess it gives you guys some space to think. Next chapter Meredith's POV, how she's dealing at home. I'm sorry for the short chapter, but it's just has to do. I'll update soon though!**


	31. Trying to breathe

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. In any way.**

**A/N: My parents are thinking I'm making my homework on the computer. LOL. But seriously, I finished it. Kind of. Just some learning stuff I've got to do. I'll do in on the way.. Allrightie then, I was feeling like I could write the next chapter now, I know, I'm heading fast! Sorry for the ones who are catching up.. But, I'm going to be busy for the rest of the week. This one's longer than the previous one, I promise! Enjoy! **

Chapter 31: Trying to breathe

(Oh yeah. Meredith's POV)

"What are you thinking about, Mummy?" Sarah asks me when I'm staring out of the window.

"Nothing, sweetie," I say to her. Derek didn't call me yesterday morning, although he promised he would.

Don't get me wrong, I trust him. I do. But, he's in New York and I'm in Seattle.

I just miss him, and he's in New York. With Addison, who happens to be his ex wife.

And he didn't call. Two days earlier he said he would call the next morning. And no, two days later, he hasn't called yet.

I'm just worried. That's all. At least.. I'm trying to convince myself of that.

The sound of Rachel crying wakes me up from my thoughts. I sigh walk to her room, followed by Sarah.

"When's Daddy coming back, Mummy?" Sarah asks when I pick up Rachel.

"I'm not sure, baby," I say as we walk downstairs again.

"Daddy said he would be back two nights sleeping.. That would be today, right?"

"If that's what he said," I say when I grab a bottle out of the fridge.

"But you're not sure?"

"No Sarah! I'm NOT sure!" I practically yell at her.

When I turn around, both of my girls are crying.

Sarah turns around and runs upstairs.

"Damn it!" I say and sit down on the kitchen table with Rachel.

I feel pretty much like crying myself now, too.

Izzie walks into the kitchen and looks at me.

"What's going on, Mer?" Izzie asks, taking Rachel and the bottle over.

"I'm tired, Izz!"

She nods and begins to feed Rachel, who stops crying.

"I yelled at her! Damn it.. I never yelled at her before! Everything is screwed back up again. A few days ago everything was just fine. Now, I'm exhausted. I just did a double shift, Sarah was nagging me with questions about Derek, who hasn't called yet! He promised he would.. I can't handle it anymore, Izz!"

Izzie takes my hand, and holds it.

"You're a strong person, Mer. You're one of the strongest persons I've ever met. You can handle this, trust me. I'll take care of Rachel today, for you. You have enough on your mind. Now, go to Sarah. Apologize. Explain why you yelled at her. She'll understand. And then, you'll call Derek yourself and you ask an explanation."

I nod, and give her a small smile.

"Thank you, Izz.. You're the best," I say and stand up.

I walk upstairs, and knock on Sarah's door.

I hear no answer, just Sarah sniffing.

I open the door, and walk into the room.

I see Sarah lying on her bed, and I walk to her.

"Sarah, sweetie, I'm sorry.."

I sit down and take her into my arms.

"I didn't mean to yell at you, baby. I'm so sorry," I say and rock her.

"I'm just really tired, and I just want Daddy to come home to. I miss him too. Can you forgive me?"

Sarah takes deep breath and hugs me.

"Yes Mummy.. I understand," is all she says to me.

"I'm going to call Daddy now, is that okay? I'll ask him when he's going to be home," I say.

I feel Sarah nods and I leave her room.

I walk outside and take my cell phone with me.

After a short walk I dial Derek's number.

_"Meredith," _Derek says as he picks up the phone.

"Derek," I answer, sounding a little bitter.

_"I was just going to call you." _

"Little late, don't you think?"

"_I'm so sorry, Mer!" _

"Why didn't you call sooner? And where are you, for God's sake?"

"_I'm still in New York.." _

I sigh, but don't answer him.

_"..Yesterday I went to the airplane with Kasey and after I went to the hospital, I had to the surgery sooner as planned.. I'm sorry I didn't call you, Mer. I should. I'm sorry." _

A tear drops on my jacket, but I try to sound calm on the phone.

"Sarah's been asking about you every half hour, past two days.."

_"Mer.. I have to tell you something.." _

"What?" I say, with a tone of bitterness. I kind of know what's coming next, it's all over his tone of voice. "You have to stay longer, don't you?" I sigh.

_"About another week.." _

"Damn it, Derek! You're pushing me over the edge, here! I'm exhausted. I have to work double shifts, because we'd go on vacation. I have to take care of two girls, 24/7. One of the two, barely sleeps trough the nights and the other is asking me all sorts of questions, all day long! I cannot handle this!"

I start to cry, and I feel I can't have air.

"_Mer.. Calm down." _

I try to breath, but I can't.

_"Equal breaths, Mer. Deep in, slow out."  
_

How much I wanted to yell at him that moment, I followed his instructions.

"_There you go.." _

"I miss you, Derek! I need you!" I say desperately.

"_I miss you too, Mer.. But Joshua and Addison need me here, too."  
_

I try to ignore it, but I feel some jealousy when he mentions Addison.

"Who's Joshua?" I ask, wiping some tears off my face.

_"Joshua is my patient, the one I'm here for. He seems worse then I thought, or better in some way."  
_

"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to sound a bit interested. Meanwhile I sit down a iron bench.

"_He's an drug addicted baby. He shouldn't have lived at all. His stoned mother, who died two days ago, didn't want him. His mother should have a miscarriage the first few months, with the drugs she took. But Joshua lived, even with major brain injury and he survived the operation. It's a miracle he's still alive." _

"I guess," I say nodding.

"_The next three days are going to be critical," _Derek says a little sad.

"You're really attached to him, huh?" I say, now a little sad too.

"_I guess.. I even got to name him."_

"You did?"

"_Yeah, he didn't have a name yet." _

"It's a good name," I say and smile.

_"Thank you."_

"Now, what do I tell Sarah?" I asked, sighing.

"_Tell her I love her, and that I'm going home as soon as I can, after Joshua is okay."_

"She's not going to like it.."

"_You don't like it either.." _Derek says.

"No, but I'm a surgeon too. I understand, at least, I know the circumstances. Sarah doesn't.."

"_I love you Mer. I love all of you guys," _Derek says after a moment of silence.

"We love you too. Hurry back, and don't forget to call, mister," I say on my motherly-tone.

I hear Derek smile, and that makes me smile.

"_I'll call, I promise." _

**Okay, I felt like this chapter was needed. The next update will probably take a while, next week or so. But, then you'll guys have something to look forward to! Thank you so much for reading, and please, please, REVIEW!**_  
_


	32. How do you do that?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. **

**A/N: Oh my God.. Haven't updated in like 10 days. I'm so deeply sorry! I had/have sooo much learning work to do.. I'll even tell you! Monday: Old Greek, German.. and this is just the learning for tests, or exams, how do you guys call it.. Tuesday: Math.. it was so horrifying diffucult.. For Wednesday; euhm, damn.. how do you call thát in English.. euhm.. Physics! That's right. Oh yeah, and French. Thursday: Latin and English, and on Friday English again.  
Sometimes.. ugh ! ;-)  
Now you guys now where I've been all the time, behind study books.. Just enjoy reading, y'all!**

Chapter 32: How do you do that?

Mer's POV. We'll just pick up where we left.

I walk back to the house, and I head up straight to Sarah's room.

"Time for bath, baby," I say with a smile.

"Okay.." Sarah says sighing, and she heads up to the bathroom.

I follow, and she turns around with a surprised face.

"You're going with you?"

"Yeah.. That's okay with you?" I say with a smile.

She jumps on me and hugs me.

"You have time for that?" She asks, still a little stunned.

Hmm. I really didn't have time for things anymore, I think by myself. I used to go with every bath moment, a few years ago. But then, Finn started to have head aches, and I started to take care of stuff.. Then he died, and Derek came along. And then, Rachel came. I'm such a bad mother..

"I do.. You pleased?"

She nods heavily.

"I love it Mummy.."

20 minutes later, Sarah sits in the hot bathtub and I'm on the ground, reading a magazine.

"So.. You spoke to Daddy?" She starts, with a innocent voice.

I grin. I knew that was going to come up.

"I did.."

"And?"

I sigh.

"Sweetie-"

Sarah splashed the water.

"He's not coming back yet, is he?" She says angrily.

I'm sitting straight up.

"No, I'm sorry honey.."

There are a few seconds of silence and I can almost hear her think.

"WHY!" She suddenly yells.

I jump and open the plastic door.

There I see Sarah staring at me with tears on her face.

"What can there be more important than US, Mummy!"

She starts sobbing and I stand up and grab a soft towel.

I lift her up out of the tub and turn the towel around her.

She continues sobbing and we sit down, and I just hug her, stroking her wet hair.

She slowly calms down and I feel her shiver.

"Let's get you dressed, honey," I whisper and carry her to her bedroom.

10 minutes later, Sarah all dressed, we lay down on her bed.

"How many more nights sleeping?" She says, quietly.

I kiss her on her head.

"He said it would be seven more nights, or so. But it totally depends on the baby he's watching over.."

She nods.

"What's wrong with the baby, Mummy?"

"Well.. Can you remember your baby sister, at the very first beginning?"

"Oh yes Mummy! She was so incredibly tiny!"

"Well.. Joshua, that's how the baby's called, is just as tiny as Rachel back then.. Only he didn't born as healthy and strong as Rachel did.. He's very weak, and now's Daddy taking care of him, trying to make him better. Just like an angel," I say.

"I guess that's nice," Sarah says and nods again.

"I guess it is."

_gogogogogogogogo_

That evening

"Goodnight, sweetheart," I whisper.

"Sweet dreams, Mummy!" Sarah whispers back and I turn the light of and walk away.

I quietly check on Rachel in the other room and then I head downstairs.

Izzie's on call, and George is at Callie's, so I have the house for my one.

Then my phone rings. My hearts makes a little jump if I see it's Derek.

"Hey, stranger," I say with a grin.

_"Hey baby.."_

"How's been work today?"

"_I miss you.." _

"That wasn't my question," I say, but I smile otherwise.

"_It's been okay. He's holding on, getting stronger bit by bit.." _

"I'm so glad.."

_"Yeah.. me too. How was your day?"_

"It was okay. Sarah's really upset you aren't coming home yet.. But I spend the day with her. Izzie took care of Rachel for me."

"_Hmm. I'm glad you're there for Sarah."_

"You know I'm still mad too, right?"

"_I know," _I hear Derek say with a sigh.

"Well.. Tell Addison I said 'Hi', or something," I say.  
_  
"I will. I'll call you tomorrow. I love you."_

"Yeah, you too. Bye!"

I hang up the phone and get into the kitchen to get myself a glass of wine.

10 minutes later I'm lying in front of the television watching a new episode of Everwood.

_gogogogogogo_

The next day, 7 PM.

Just when I'm doing too many things, the doorbell rings.

Sarah's watching some animated movie, I'm trying to cook, and Rachel's crying in the box.

"Sarah!" I yell.

No response. The doorbell rings again. The damn television is way to loud.

"SARAH! WOULD YOU GET THAT!" I yell again.

"Yeah!" she responses and I hear her run to the door.

I'm walking towards the living room and turn the volume of the television down.

Then I run back to the kitchen, and pick up Rachel.

"What's the matter, baby? Was that noise to loud?" I say humming, and rock her slowly.

She doesn't stop crying.

"Sarah! Who's at the door?" I call out.

I still hear nothing more but a vague sound of the television and Rachel crying in my arms.

"What is it, sweetie? What do you want?" I ask a little desperate.

I hear something bubble and I turn to the gas cooker.

"Shit!"

My food was overcooking and burning at the same time. How can I do that!

"My food!"

I lay Rachel to my chest and hold her with one arm.

With the other I turn the gas off and I look miserable at my miserable food.

"Mummy Mummy! Look who's here!" Sarah cheers from the kitchen door.

I look up and see Derek standing there, with a white rose in his hand.

"Derek!" I say happily and walk towards him, giving him a hug, so far as I could with Rachel in my arms.

"So.. I see you're handling things quite fine over here, huh?" Derek says with a grin.

"Very funny," I say a little bummed.

"It's a suggestion you help me."

"Yeah," Derek says and takes Rachel over.

"Sarah, why won't you get the phone for me?" Derek asks and looks at here with a smile.

"I'm guessing we're eating pizza for tonight."

Sarah nods happily and walks away.

Derek starts to rock Rachel and she becomes calm.

I look at him with a stunned face.

"How do you do that?"

Derek laughs, and points at the gas cooker.

"How do you do thát?"

I sigh.

"I have no clue."

I give Derek a kiss and he wraps his other arm around me.

"I missed you," I whisper.

"I missed you too.."

**Jay! He's back, he's back! And I just can't write any more, because I'm going to get in much trouble with my homework. Wish me luck, and please, please review! It makes me happy.. **


	33. There's nothing better

**Disclaimer: I solemnly swear I do not own Grey's Anatomy. **

**A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews, again. It keeps me on track. POV's Mer, like most of the time. Here it goes, read, enjoy & review!**

Chapter 33: There's nothing better

The next day

I put on some hand cream and rub it in. I look in to the mirror, the only mirror in the locker room, and smile.

Nothing feels better then a morning brain surgery, kids in school or day care and boyfriend somewhere near you at work.

I quickly brush my hair and walk out of the locker room, and step into the elevator.

I head to Gynaecology, and search for Derek. Like expected, he's with Joshua.

"Hey," I say and lean against the doorpost.

Derek looks up and gives me a small smile.

"Hey," he replies. I walk over to him and go sit on his lap.

"How's he doing?" I ask, looking over to Joshua, still a tiny and broken baby.

"Okay.. he's hanging in there.. His blood pressure still a bit high, so the possibility of another bleeding in his brain even higher then it already is.."

"But he's hanging in there," I say.

"He is," Derek confirms.

"You've been in here all morning?"

Derek nods. "Yeah.. What have you done?"

"Brain surgery in the morning," I say grinning, and I raise my eyebrows for a sec.

Derek smiles back.

"Nothing better."

"Nothing better," I reply. "How about some coffee?"

"Coffee seems nice," Derek replies and we head to the cafeteria.

Six days later

"Mummy! Daddy! Wake up!" Sarah cheers and climbs on top of us.

"Sarah.. What is it?" I mumble, pushing her beside me.

"We're late! I have to be in school in 20 minutes!"

Derek yawns.

"Seriously?"

I look at my alarm clock.

"Seriously.." I say a little down. I rather just keep lying in my bed.

"If you make breakfast, I'll take care of the girls.."

"Deal."

I get up and look at Sarah. She's already dressed, unlike me.

"Uhm.. Why won't you brush your teeth and hair, then I'll change in my scrubs and wake Rachel.. How about that?"

"Okay," Sarah says and heads to the bathroom.

I search for my scrubs and I see Derek still lying on the bed.

"No cheating," I say and throw a shirt of his to his head.

He moans and begins moving slowly.

"You're mean.."

"I'm not," I say while putting on my scrubs. "You love me."

He wraps his arms around my waist and he kisses my neck.

"I do."

I smile and give him a quick kiss.

"Breakfast. We're late," I say and head to Rachel's room.

_gogogogogogogo_

After I checked for my patients the last time today, I go see if Derek's done already.

I find him in Gynaecology, again, filling in some forms at the nurse station.

"You need anything else, Dr. Shepherd?" I hear a nurse say.

"No, thanks Annabeth," I hear Derek reply and I lay my arms against his back.

"You're really established here, I see," I say with a smile.

Derek turns around and smiles at me.

"A bit.."

"You're coming back to neuro, someday right?" I say teasing.

"What are you saying, Dr. Grey? Are you thinking I'm becoming a Gynaecologist?"

I laugh, and give him a little kiss. "I wouldn't dare."

"So.. I have to pick up Sarah in Rachel in 20 minutes.. You coming with?"

"Yeah, I guess.. Maybe you can help me fill in this forms, it's the last thing I have to do.."

"Sure, what they're for?"

"Adoption station.. I'm pretty sure he'll survive, the past week really did him good.. He'll just have to be in the incubator for two more weeks. Then he's good to go.. But, then I have to find him some parents first, right.."

"Right," I confirm.

We sit down, and we began to fill in the form.

_First name: Joshua  
__Last name: White  
__Gender: male  
__Birth date: 09-27-2017  
__Place of birth: Seattle  
Age: two weeks old  
__Biological mother: Susannah Hannah White  
__Current situation of biological mother: dead  
__Biological father: unknown  
Living related family: none  
__Current situation of biological father: unknown  
__Current guardian: Dr. Derek Shepherd  
__Current living situation: Seattle Grace Hospital  
-Notes: incubator  
__Past: Drug addicted biological mother died during birth. Ms. White never mentioned the biological father, and had no relationship with a male at all. Ms. White didn't have any family left.  
__Medical past: born with addiction for drugs, which is phased out. Brain damage, treated by brain surgery. Transferred from New York General to Seattle Grace Hospital._

**There it is.. Chapter 33. Short, I know, I know. Next chapter will be Derek's POV. Please review!**


	34. Just a dream

**Disclaimer: Again, I do not own Grey's Anatomy. **

A/N: Little mistake in last chapter. Place of birth is indeed New York. Well, I'm human too, and I make mistakes. Sorry for that, and thanks for mentioning. Here comes chapter 34, enjoy, read & review!

Chapter 34: Just a dream

(I promised it would be Derek's POV.)

_3 weeks after sending the adoption form._

"Derek.. Derek," I hear Mer's voice whisper and slowly I wake up.

"Huh.." I mumble.

"Wake up."

"Hmmm.."

I cover my eyes with my eyes, not wanting the bright hospital light getting trough to my eyes.

Mer starts kissing my neck, and she wins.

I open my eyes and smile at her.

"Hey sleepy head," she greets me.

"What time is it?"

"Time to get the kids from school and day care.."

"All right.." I say and I get up from my chair.

"You fell asleep.." Mer tells me, with a disapproving mummy-look.

"I did," I reply.

I bend over Joshua's cradle and tickle him.

He laughs in response, and that makes me laugh.

Meredith nods her head, and takes my hand.

"Let's go," she whispers.

I nod and stroke Joshua one more time.

"Bye kiddo," I tell Joshua and then I walk out of the nursery with Mer.

When we sit in the car, Meredith sighs.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

She looks at me for a second and then looks on the road again.

"You're getting way to attached, you know that, right?"

I stare out of the window.

Actually, I'm not getting way to attached, I _am_ already way to attached.

"Before you woke me, I was having a dream.."

"Yes?" Mer asks.

"I was dreaming we adopted Joshua.." I say quietly.

"You did..?" She asks stunned.

"I did.."

"We aren't discussing this, are we?"

Her voice sounds tired, a little annoyed maybe.

"Why not?"

"Why would we?"

I remain silence, and she sighs.

"I've already given you two beautiful girls, why won't you have enough with that?"

"I do! I just.." I sigh.

"We have our hands full with Sarah and Rachel. We're tired 7 days a week.. We can't manage another baby," she says to me.

"I think we can.."

"I can't, Derek. I just can't. It's to hard, to painful.."

We park the car in a parking space next to school and nursery.

"Mer.." I try.

"No! We're not discussing this, Derek! I'm going to get Rachel. You wait for Sarah," she tells me and she opens the door, gets out of the car and slams the door behind her.

I sigh.

"It was just a dream, anyway.." I whisper to myself.

Three days later

Past days we're exhausting. Mer and I we're practically ignoring each other, except when the kids we're around.

Now, I was watching some news and she was putting the kids in bed.

After a few minutes she walks silently into the room and she sits down into the chair across mine.

"We can't go on like this, ignoring each other," she says with an icy tone.

I turn of the TV and look at her.

"It's what we do best.."

She nods, and gives me a little smile.

"I've been thinking.." She says.

"Me too," I agree.

"You first," we both say at the same time.

"Well.. I made the first step so you can take the second," she tells me.

"Fair enough," I say.

She nods and I take her hand.

"I've been going over this a few times in my head. I can't push this up to you, it's a decision we both have to make. And if you're not willing to do it, I won't either. Because I do love you Mer, and the girls. I love all of you so much."

Mer's eyes are getting wet and she nods.

"Now it's my turn," she says with a dry voice.

"I've been over this too. This is hard for me, because what happened with Rachel's birth. And I want you to respect that, and now I know you do.. And I know you're already attached to him as a dad, and I should respect that bond you have too. I've considered this all over again, and maybe I should see him as a gift. 'Cause Derek, I'll never stop loving you."

She tightens her grip on my hand and I smile at her.

"So.. I'm willing to try," she says and a tear makes his way down her cheek.

I walk over to her and I give her a hug.

"You sure?" I ask softly.

She nods.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

I hold Mer tight and smile. Maybe it wasn't just a dream after all.

**Little chapter, a lot to process. I'll have to say this story won't be much longer. Just three chapters or something. But, no worries, I WILL write a sequel, I promise. What do you guys think about Mer's decision? Send me a review!**


	35. Standard procedure

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Would be great though.**

**A/N: I'm so glad you guys love Joshua. I light up every time I read a review. They make me feel.. proud, in some way. Here's chapter 35, one of the last, so enjoy, read & review!**

Chapter 35: Standard procedure

(POV'S Derek, again.)

"You look great," I say to Meredith, who is standing in front of the mirror.

"You sure?" She looks at herself, with a look of doubt.

She's wearing western dark brown shoes, a beautiful jeans who looks great on her, a long brown sweater, who continues over her hips, and over the sweater a big fashion belt, theme Indiana. She wearing her hair loosely, and she has some mascara and a soft red lip gloss.

"Yeah.. I'm sure."

"I'm nervous," she says, she sights and she turns over to me.

"I know.." I say with a grin. Mer always fiddles when she's nervous.

We're dressing up for the social worker, who's coming to see if we're decent to be foster parents. Standard procedure.

"You have nothing to worry about. We're great parents.. And she'll see that, believe me."

Mer nods and she gives me a quick kiss.

"You look great.. And thank you," she whispers.

Then, like we're in some kind of fairytale, the doorbell rings.

"Should I open it?" Sarah comes out of the hallway.

"No, that's okay," Mer says. "You go play with Uncle Georgie.."

Sarah nods happily and skips to George's room.

"Let's go," I whisper and give a quick kiss on her cheek.

We walk towards the door and Mer opens it.

A woman, around 35, with friendly brown eyes and black hair, smiles at us.

"Hi, I'm Tracey Jones, the social worker from the adoption office.."

We smile back politely and Mer opens the door a little closer.

"Please, come in," she says.

She holds out her hand, and Tracey shakes it.

"Meredith Grey."

I hold out my hand too, and Tracey smiles and shakes it.

"Derek Shepherd," I say.

I take her coat, and Meredith walks her to the living room.

"Do you like some tea or coffee?" I hear Mer ask, and five minutes later we're sitting at the couch and Tracey in the chair, with a cup of tea in our hands.

"So, I have to ask some standard, formal questions, so let's get that over with, for a start," Tracey says and takes a map and pen from her briefcase.

We just nod, and I take a sip from my tea. Hot.

"I see you have two more children, I'd like their names, and it's not very clear to me who belongs to who..?"

Meredith smiles a little apologizing, and starts talking.

"Well.. My first daughter's name is Sarah Grey-Shepherd, and Derek is her biological father. Derek and I.. We've been separated for a while, but later on he got his custody also. In the time we've been separated I've been with someone else, Finn Dandridge. He shared custody over Sarah with me until he died. A few months before, I got pregnant again, so there is my second daughter, Rachel Dandridge Grey-Shepherd, and Derek got custody over her too.. Is that a little bit clear?"

Tracey smiles.

"Yes, I can follow that. Now.. I've read you both are surgeons.. How are you going to manage three kids, two of them babies, when you both a fulltime job?"

Mer looks at me, and takes my hand. I guess it's my turn now.

"Well.. Sometimes we both have to work in the morning. Sarah goes to school, and we bring Rachel to George or Izzie, they both live here and are surgeons too, but are schedules are different, so most of the time we can manage. Is it impossible, we bring Rachel to day care. In the weekends we don't work, or the minimum at least. I think George and Izzie wouldn't mind taking care of one more baby, sometimes."

Tracey nods.

"So, George and Izzie.. Are they together?"

Meredith smiles.

"No," I answer. "George has a fiancée, though."

Tracey makes some notes, and nods.

"Now, if it's possible, I'd like to see the rest of your house and meet Sarah, Rachel, Izzie and George, if they're around.."

"Izzie's on call, but the rest is upstairs," Mer says and we stand up.

About fifteen minutes later, we're at the door again.

"So, my conclusion," Tracey begins.

We nod, and Meredith fiddles. I take her hand and she smiles at me.

"I've seen a lot of love, kindness and warmth today. Your house, it's big enough. You have friends, who are close to your kids. Sarah and Rachel, look like nice children, no problems. You both earn your money well.. But, the main question is, have you got enough time, and energy for one more baby, when you both have exhausting, time-taking, irregular jobs?"

Tracey looks at us, and smiles.

"I think you do. We'll be following this around, though. I'll make sure the rest of the paper works that need to be signed will be send up. And in about two months, some social worker will check upon you. Congratulations," Tracey says and gives us politely another hand.

She takes her coat, and walks out of the door, leaving Meredith and me stunned behind.

Ten seconds later Meredith slowly shuts the door.

"We did it. We got him. WE DID IT!" Meredith exclaims and hugs me.

I smile, and hug her back.

Sarah runs towards us of the stairs, and George follows, walking carefully, with Rachel in his arms.

"You got him?" He asks, when he sees us smiling.

I nod, and Meredith kneels down to Sarah.

"Is Joshua coming to live with us, Mummy?"

Meredith nods and gives her a hug.

"He is, sweetie. Within a few weeks, you'll be having a baby brother.."

**It's official! Joshua is going to be adopted for real. I'm sorry for the guys who don't like the idea much.. After this one, one or two more. Thank you so much for reading, and please leave me a review!**


	36. Extra space,,

**Author's Note: So, I really felt like ending this story.. Sorry! But non-active isn't paradise either :) I've decided, this isn't the _last_ chapter, but they aren't many left ;-) **

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

Oh yeah, right.. POV's.. Meredith. **  
**  
_Chapter 36: Extra space, we're going to need it_

_1½ year later _

"Sweetie, wake up," I said, softly into Derek's ear.

"Hmm?" Derek muffled.

"A long day waits for us.."

"Hmmm.." Derek answered, turning just a little deeper in his bedspread.

"Fine.. five more minutes," I say, and I look at my alarm clock. 5:30 AM. Kids.. You sure have to have lots of energy. But I can't complain, life's been great lately.

I give Derek a quick kiss on his forehead, stroke his hair and walk away from our bed. I sneak trough the corridor, off the stairs, careful not to wake anyone.

When I come into the living room, I close the door behind me and sigh.

"Mer!"

I jump, and look behind me.

"Izzie, you scared me!"

"Sorry.. Why were you sneaking around anyway?" she says, handing me a cup of coffee. "I figured you could use this."

"Thanks. Well, I didn't want to wake the kids. Yesterday evening turned out pretty late and Derek and I haven't decorated-" I gasp. The living room was covered in colour; balloons, banners, everything. "You did this?" I asked amazed.

"Yes, see it as my first birthday gift to Sarah.." Izzie said, and gave me a hug. "Congrats, Mer."

"But.. you already made her birthday cake.. I don't know how to thank you, Izz," I said.

"Then don't," she smiled. "She's worth it, I love her too. You gave me the sweetest godchild ever."

"All right then," I said smiling. "Let's make some extra space.. We are going to need it," I sigh. I can't believe we actually invited the whole family, meaning Derek's sisters and their husbands and children and his parents.

"So, how were you planning this?" Izzie asked, on a teasing tone.

"I figured some of the adults could sit inside the house, and the children could play outside.. God bless the weather today, I couldn't handle things if it was raining."

Izzie giggled. "I'll go put some chairs outside."

_A few hours later _

"Derek! Hurry up, they're going to be at the airport in 20 minutes!"

I quickly walk to Sarah's room, and find her in front of the mirror.

"Are you ready, sweetie?" She nods a bit insecure. "You are looking beautiful," I say and kiss her on her hair. She has her new jeans on with a cute blue top. This morning, I braid her hair. "So.. Are you excited to see Sam again?"

A smile appears on her face.

"I thought so. Now, let's go.." I say smiling, a little bit proud of myself for handling this in such short time.

She takes my hand and we walk into Rachel en Joshua's room.

"Daddy!" Sarah cheers and runs to Derek to give him a hug.

Derek turns around and hugs her. "Hey beautiful.. ready to see your cousins?"

I walk over to our two little toddlers. "Mommy!" Rachel exclaims when she sees me.

"Hey baby," I say to her and smile. "They're ready?" I ask Derek.

"Yes, we're done," he says as he picks up Joshua and I pick up Rachel. We walk downstairs together, drive in separate cars and in 25 minutes we're at the airport, or at least, the parking lot. We unload the car and I look at my watch.

"We're late!" I say and sigh.

Derek takes Sarah's hand and I push forward the twin buggy.

"O thank God, their plain has got delay," I say relieved when we're inside.

Derek smiles. "Mer, relax,'' he tells me and gives me a kiss.

"Mom, Dad, stop! We're in public!" Sarah says annoyed.

Derek kneels down and looks at Sarah with a smile.

"Are you becoming a pre-teen, Sarah?" he says quasi-sad and he begins to tickle her.

"Dad, stop! Please, stop! Daddy!" she exclaims laughing.

Joshua starts pulling my coat and I kneel down too. "What's up, little guy?"

He starts laughing and stretches out his arms. I lift him up and place him on my hip. Immediately he clenches his arms around me, like he always does. I'll probably won't get him of me for half an hour now.

"Look, there they are!" Derek says and points at an air gate, and we all look in that direction.

Sarah starts moving around a little anxious and I take her hand.

"I know you want to go to Sam when you see him, but you'll have to wait until he gets here, otherwise you'll get lost," I say to her.

She nods a little annoyed and whispers; "Yes mommy."

First I see Henry coming out of the gate, together with Emma, and their kids Carmen, Hannah and Daniel, Tina, Brian and Lauren. Carmen, Hannah and Daniel are teenagers now, and they have grown so much!

Then Kasey and her kids Jasmine, Tom, Damian, Cassidy and Diana are coming into out direction, and I still can't keep Jasmine and Cassidy apart.

Then I see Alice coming, with a waving Sam next to her, and Jesse is behind her, busy calming Ariel, Harriet, Jenny and Jayla down. Ryan grew so hard since the last time I saw him, and he is sleeping in Alice's arms.

And, to make the family complete, Derek's parents get out of the air gate followed by Lea, Greg and the kids Amanda, Harry and Freddy, Heather and Sam.

"Together they almost make a full plane," I whisper into Derek's ear and he giggles.

Alice comes up to me and we hug.

"Meredith, you look so good!"

"You too! Ahw, Ryan grew so hard! He's adorable," I say.

"Yes, and look at Rachel! I just adore her soft red hair.. And Joshua.. Hi baby!" she strokes Joshua's hair and he giggles.

"So, what do you say? Why won't we get ourselves a warm cup of coffee, and take our part of the kids with us, while Derek tries to load the cars with kids?" Alice says grinning.

"Sounds great," I say giggling and we start calling some kids together and we head off to the cafeteria.

**So, I think maybe one more chapter and maybe, maybe two. But, I'll have to get some reviews. And tell me, what do you guys think? A sequel? Give me some ideas :) Thanks for reading and please review!**


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